


Not A Word

by Blondeyy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angry Kylo Ren, Angst, Arguing, Betrayal, Dark Kylo Ren, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt Kylo Ren, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Manipulation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mind Control, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Rough Kissing, Violence, this story is dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22211011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blondeyy/pseuds/Blondeyy
Summary: "I despise you."Kylo quirked an eyebrow, half expecting you to continue, but upon realizing this conversation was going nowhere he hissed. "That might be so now, but there was a time when you used to admire me."You expected it, but it didn't suppress the shock when he answered your thoughts without you even speaking them aloud. “That was before you became amonster."“You're wrong. I know what you see every time you look at me.” It was impetuous how quickly his mood could change, how insouciantly he went from calm to the instincts of a psychopath. His emotions were made of glass, shattered so quickly by the slightest touch. Maybe you didn’t realize it, or maybe he just didn’t want to admit it, but he still possessed feelings. He knew it was spasmodic - how could someone like him, someone who thrived on the darkness even retain feelings? How could they even know what pain felt like? What love felt like? But he did. “You cannot hide your feelings when I wear the face of Ben Solo."“You aren’t Ben, you murderous snake. You might wear his face, but you don’t retain an inch of what he resembled."
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 145
Kudos: 1106
Collections: 30 Days of Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren, The Kylo Collection





	1. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **WARNING: This story is going to be dark. It contains swearing, violence, and sensitive themes. While it has moments of romance, it is mainly focusing on the dark aspect of Kylo Ren, obsession, betrayal and the lengths he is willing to go.**
> 
> **But, I'm guessing you're here because you love possessive, dark Kylo as much as I do!**
> 
> **Hope you enjoy & please leave kudos and comments so I know you're enjoying it. <3**

“Do you _really_ think you can run from me, vermin?” His cruel laughter pierced the silence, intensifying the closer he got to your hiding place. Placing the heel of his combat boots on the archaic floorboards, he paced the length of the hallway, his steps synced with your palpitating pulse. In that moment, he almost resembled a predator stalking its prey. **Prey**. Funny how that word came to mind when you were stuck in this predicament - you were his prey. This was all just a game to him, he thrived on the chase. “Just when I thought you were beginning to understand...” His tone was derisive. Cold. _Malevolent._ Haltering, he cast a look in your direction - disguised by the darkness which lingered around his predominant aura.

They were right, and all this time you didn't want to believe it.

Ben Solo was gone.

Instead, this monster stood in his place.

This had been the first time you'd seen him in months. Months since the incident that changed the galaxy forever. Months since the extirpated dark forces were reformed. No one saw it coming. Not even you. You'd denied it, fought it, defended him, refused to believe he was gone, that you hadn't lost him to the dark side, no matter how desperately the resistance tried to tell you otherwise... you just couldn’t let go. He’d kept the voices hidden. He pretended everything was fine. And yet, it wasn’t. It hadn’t been fine in so long. In the days before he disappeared, before he destroyed the Jedi temple and murdered in cold blood, you’d noticed that look, the concealment reflecting in his eyes. But you ignored it, blinded by your own admiration.

Admiration you held from a distance.

The very admiration which drove you to make the biggest mistake of your life.

This was all your fault. 

You should never have come back here. 

He’d tricked you.

 _Lured_ you here with the promise that everything they told you was a lie.

He smirked as he leaned against the wall, toying with the metallurgic helmet he held in his hand, the same mask which normally adorned his perfect face, the very thing which made people fear him, that made him a monster. Truthfully, it perplexed you how someone so vicious could look like him. On the inside, he was the very definition of evil, a cold blooded, heartless killer, yet on the outside, he graced so much beauty. But appearances could be deceiving. No, it was something much more than that. It was the darkness of your own feelings that made you think he was still the same boy you admired from afar. This wasn’t Ben Solo. He no longer held the same charisma, the same charm.

Ben Solo was dead.

Kylo Ren. The person he had become. _He_ had issues. Issues rooted so deep inside him it made him one of the most feared and dangerous men in the galaxy. And yet, still, no one knew what had caused him to spiral so far into the depths of insanity that there wasn’t even an ounce of him left.

Kylo Ren was not born.

_He was created._

“That’s correct, vermin. I **was**."

You grit your teeth, irked by that deep, monotonous voice. If there was one thing you had picked up on during this entire encounter, it was that Kylo Ren was not capable when it came to controlling his anger. He acted on emotions, on instincts. He left a destruction in his wake. You witnessed it first hand as he stalked down the length of the ship runway, the first time you had seen him since his disappearance. You’d hardly recognized him, only knowing it was him because you felt that familiar intrusion of him invading your mind. Searching your thoughts. Your memories. He’d seen it all. Then, as he spoke, you did the only sensible thing you could. You ran. 

His titian colored lightsaber had ignited upon your decision, and the white clad stormtroopers standing closest to him suffered the consequences.

Inhaling a sharp breath, a small hand clasped over your mouth to keep your trembling from alerting him to your whereabouts, you peered through the hinges in the door of the room you hid within, only now catching sight of that smirk you’d failed to notice earlier. The light from the dim ceiling bestowed upon his terrifying frame, making those striking umber orbs glimmer - the look in them telling a different story from that of his smirk. They were no longer bright. Not like they used to be. Instead, they were dull, devoid of compassion. Animalistic.

“Don't you ever get tired of running?"

Silence.

"I'm rather bored of it."

You remained silent, desperately trying not to give yourself away.

“I’m giving you the chance to prove yourself… you can’t hide forever. For your sake, I hope you don’t.” 

Hearing him now, like this, made you remember how General Organa and the hope of the resistance was devastated upon hearing the news that her son turned to the darkside. The story only Luke Skywalker had lived to retell. She spoke of her fears long before it happened, how Luke had sensed the darkness in him, just like his grandfather. The very person he’d idolized to you about. There was more to his past than he let on, and you knew fine well it had something to do with Darth Vader. Hatred would seethe beneath his skin at the sheer mention of Vader turning his back on the republic, of destroying the Jedi. Perhaps it really was no surprise he would try to follow in his footsteps.

“You really choose to think of resistance scum when you find yourself in this predicament? Your audacity does not surprise me in the least. You've always been bold, vermin." He slowed his speech, as if debating his next words. "Is that what you think? Or is that just what they tell you?” 

You barely caught the distant sound of his voice before a door was slammed shut, the noise insinuating he’d entered another room which was further down the hallway. The thought that he was no longer there didn’t seem to reassure you though. From what you’d seen so far, Kylo Ren was not one to give up that easily. His very existence was to act like a spoiled brat - an apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke, a childish display of power control with General Hux, he was every inch - _shut up, he can read your thoughts._ The easier option was simple, you submitted to him and your life might get a little bit easier, or you continued to defy the First Order, run back to the resistance and forget about it. Sadly when it came to making easy choices, you were hopeless. You would never betray the resistance. Not for the dark side. Not for **him.**

He would have to kill you first.

The splinters from the wooden door scratched your arm when you tried to maneuver yourself through the narrow gap, shrugging off the inner dispute about how foolish this idea was. At the back of your mind, you knew above all else this was just his attempt to lure you into a trap, but sulking in a closet the remainder of the night until he, or one of the stormtroopers found you was pointless. You would take the chance while you had it. Finding your footing in the hallway, you checked your peripheral surroundings before briskly walking in the direction of the staircase. Inhaling a sharp breath, you placed one foot in front of the other. 

“... _found you_.”

You reeled in panic at the sound of his dark voice, your eyes scouring over his smirking form leaning against the banister further down the staircase. Everything froze in that second, hysteria overwhelming your mind as you pleaded with your legs to co-operate and run - unaware of his approaching footsteps until his strong, fibrous arms wrapped around your shoulders, restraining you tightly against his toned chest despite your feeble attempts to extricate yourself from the situation. His height so easily overpowered you, rippling muscles tense beneath that mass of black fabric, his warm breath skimming the supple skin on your cheek. You might be a fighter, but he was stronger. He held you there with so much necessitation it almost felt fabricated. Like he was mentally struggling with his own thoughts about doing this. “You think you're so clever.” He hisses in your ear, his cold, callous hand clasping your mouth to prevent your idle threats about screaming. No one would hear you, and even if they did, they wouldn’t dare to do a thing. Even still, he wouldn’t take the chance. “I risked everything to get you here, vermin. Do you think for ONE SECOND I would just let you go so easily again?” He sounded so contentious, so desperate. This was the part of him only you could inaugurate. 

He was just trying to get in your head. 

_Don’t listen to him._

Anger coursed through your veins like a violent and chaotic river, no matter how much your inner voice tried to reason with you, it was seething from your pores. You tried to speak, but it was muffled by the hand over your mouth. Sporadically biting down on your lower lip, you mentally prepared yourself for what you were going to do, even though it wasn’t in your nature, it was your only option. Everything happened instantaneously after that first thought, not even regarding the consequence when you thrust your elbow backwards and propelled it into his stomach, but the asshole had the reflexes of a cat and spun you around just before you managed to hit him.

“Pitiful effort, vermin. Is that really the best you’ve got?” He mocked, biting back the laugh at your heroic efforts.

You did not answer him.

In that second, Kylo seized the opportunity to step away from you, analyzing those E/C orbs which looked everywhere except from him. He was so beguiled by their beauty. It unsettled him. He wanted, no, he needed you to look at him. “Look at me.” It was nothing more than a hiss, dissenting any truth that flashed through your mind. He hated how clearly you lied through your thoughts, without even so much as blinking. You came to him, even if this fucked up love he somehow felt for you wasn't real. You could deny it, you could hide the pureness of your heart from him, you could pretend you weren’t selfless, you could swear you weren’t loyal to him, but he wasn’t an idiot. You still cared. Why else would you come here in the hopes of finding Ben Solo? Why would you refuse to look at him now that you discerned the truth? He knew why, because the moment you did, he’d be able to detect the lie behind your eyes.

Leaning in, he pressed the corner of his plump lips against your temple, worked up from the provocative position. “You didn't think I was going to let you away with your little stunt, did you? Make no mistake, resistance scum. You don't know **who** you're dealing with.”

"I'm not afraid of you."

"You should be afraid."

You only scowled, glaring directly into those dark eyes. "The only thing I'm afraid of is that I trusted you!"

"Because you're _weak_ , vermin.” He leaned in slightly, provoking you. "Ben Solo is dead. I destroyed him."

"No he _isn't._ "

"You've never been quite able to accept it, have you? You’ve been so lonely… so desperate to find him.” 

"Because I know you’re still in there, Ben."

You didn’t see it coming, but just as quick as the words left your mouth, a callous hand thrust outwards, grasping your throat like a vice. It was instincts which made him react. Instincts which wanted nothing more than to barricade the reminder of his old self. He could handle a lot of things, no matter how hard the struggle, but the mention of those people he used to call family, or his previous name was something he still couldn’t digest. It was like the semblance of these past memories hit him all at once, drowning him in years worth of torment. Harsh breaths lingered against your cheek, warm, raspy. “Don’t.” He all but spat, his voice loud, contentious. There was no tenderness in his tone, no hint of compassion - of understanding. It was a warning. Don’t push your luck more than once tonight. “Ever-” His grip got tighter until the point you were convinced he was going to go back on his word and kill you. “Call. Me. By. That. Name."

Your small hands clawed at his, silenting begging him to let you go, if the pressure of your nails scraping against his skin was anything to guess by. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Not until he made his point. It took almost another ten seconds for him to mentally force himself to release you before he did anymore damage, but he wasn’t satisfied. Taking several deep breaths and vigorously rubbing your neck, you stared into that alluring, handsome face, so enamoring, yet irrevocably dangerous and malevolent. His pale complexion was translucent in contrast to those striking, catlike hazel orbs and the obsidian strands of shoulder-length, wavy hair which framed his chiseled face. His features were so oddly handsome, the shouldn’t be, but somehow, they just worked. Snapping back to reality, you mentally cursed yourself. To think you were stood there, contemplating how attractive he was.

Still panting for breath, you forced yourself to speak through it, even as the hollow of your neck dipped further between your collarbone, and the tremble in your voice burned. “I… see it… there's still conflict in you.”

Kylo only arched an eyebrow. ”

“I know there is.”

"Then you'll surely be disappointed to know you’re wrong."

”... you’re a coward."

"Am I? Or do you just wish to think that?

"Fuck you." 

“I’m sure there’ll be enough time for that later.” His fingers traced the curve of your lips, viciously gripping the indents of your cheekbones between his index finger and thumb when you tried to turn away. “You should be thankful that I’m willing to restrain myself for **now** , seeing as we have so much to discuss.”

“You wouldn’t **_dare._**!” You sneered, emphasizing the words venomously, yanking your face away from his undesired touch. Kylo only chuckled, gleeful by your valiant attempt to backtalk him. It only infuriated you more, losing all patience of being in the vicinity of this irritating, dictatorial asshole any longer - he only riled you up because your frustration entertained him. In a sudden burst of anger, your hand lunged for the mask he still held in his other hand, antagonistically knocking it to the floor.

He stiffened then, as though trying to control himself from lashing out after that little stunt - he was not infamous for his ability to control his anger. Far from it. “Really, vermin? Was that supposed to _stall_ me? It’s just one less thing for me to remove myself.”

Your eyes widened fretfully at the unfazed, almost aroused look on his face - this excited him. Every nerve in your body stood on edge, your insides screaming in horror when he leaned closer. “Don’t. Touch. Me!”

He smirked, again. “I’m supposing that was meant to be a threat?”

You only growled, battling with the reluctance to look into those forlorn eyes. Eyes which held so much beauty, so much perplexity, so much _pain_. Those eyes belonged to a miscreation. A miscreation who was condemned to a life that would never end, to live without a purpose, without a meaning. Besides his hatred and need for power. There was no light in the darkness behind any of their eyes, just emptiness. As much as you yearned to understand, straying down that path would only serve to make you sympathize with him, to find reason in why he went this way, when in actual fact, there was no excuse. “... I hate you.”

"Is that so? Then why do your thoughts continue to betray you, vermin?"

You only ignored him. 

Or at least, you tried too.

“Are you quite finished?” An opulent, disgusted voice sneered. “We do not have time for your despicable acts, Ren.”

The dark haired male seemed to sense the imperativeness in the red-heads tone and turned, taking a few steps away from you, as if to intimidate the prestigiously dressed commander with his height. “Haven’t _you_ got other things to attend to, Hux? Like, say, carrying Out. My. Demands!” His words took on a dangerous edge as he took another step towards the smaller man, who bravely stood his ground as if he was dealing with an oversized child.

You flinched in shock and tried to move, taking this as an opportunity to run again, but there was an invisible grip keeping you secured against the wall.

“All duties have been carried out, Ren. Now I suggest you figure out what you’re doing with the girl before the Supreme Leader gets word of your little adventure.” 

Before you had the chance to argue, you were hauled forward by that same invisible force which hurled your small form across the floor. Shocked by the spontaneous attack, you struggled to catch yourself, but hit the ground long before the fall registered in your mind. Welding your eyes shut as a natural inclination, you breathed heavily, aware that your knees had taken the brunt of the impact. That **asshole.** How _kind_ of him to slow you down after suspecting you might run again. Anguishly, you reopened your eyes, regaining a conscious awareness of your surroundings, though Kylo was no longer there, having left you abandoned and helpless against the thunderous footsteps approaching your huddled form. Determined to get away, you gathered the strength to slide a hand out in front of you and started to push yourself up - but it was already too late, because Kylo had already made up his mind, his final demand resonating in the silence as he boarded his ship.

“Bring the girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading lovelies. Comments and kudos are everything. <3


	2. Reason

The voices of the stormtroopers were lurid and patronizing as they spoke outwidth of the vacant interrogation room. Trapped, like a caged animal, trying desperately to ignore the fictitious, untrue things they said about the resistance, about you, about _him_. But it seemed no matter how much you screamed, provoked, or threatened them, they only banged on the door in a silent warning to shut up. Nothing unhinged them. Absolutely **nothing.** After so long, it actually became a source of comfort. Finn. That’s what one of them were called. You always forgot that underneath those suits there were actual people. People with real names. Only, here, they were numbers.

Two days passed and still, no one came. The isolation was starting to get to you. Cracks were beginning to show. This is what he wanted, for you to snap, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. The resistance would come. You knew they would. So why, in the back of your mind, was that becoming so hard to believe? You’d envision it over and over again, the sight of Poe Dameron and the titian clad fighters of the galaxy blasting this door down in some heroic rescue mission to destroy the First Order like you’d been planning for so long. 

But they weren’t coming.

Why would they risk everything to rescue the girl who chose to meet the monster on her own accord?

Closing your eyes, you started to count the minutes as they ticked by slowly, distracting yourself from the agonizing wait. **What** you were waiting for, you weren’t actually sure. Him to finish you off? No. That wasn’t it. You were guarded, that meant someone would come eventually, right? 

Snarling in frustration, you glared downwards at your restrained wrists, uncomfortable and bruised beneath the fictile straps that bound them to the antediluvian chair. Everything hurt; from the way your body was forced to stand upright, to the way the tips of your bare feet barely grazed the ground, cramping your legs from lack of use, to the way you hadn’t been able to move in days. Was this Kylo’s doing? To let you suffer until you were no longer his problem? You didn’t know what was worse - the fact it was plausible, or that you’d succumb to becoming part of them, or the realization that you might actually lose your mind before then.

“Perhaps if you were this quiet in the beginning, there wouldn’t have been so many _issues._ ”

Languidly, your E/C orbs darted around the rayless room, your gaze captured by a tall figure slouched over a corroded table in the far corner, disguised in the darkness. You glared, hoping somehow, the look alone would putrefy him. Did he really feel the need to insult you _and_ half answer your question at the same time? What a piece of-

“Why am I here?”

The russet haired male turned to face you, his indented, sharp cheekbones twitching as he frowned, staring at you like you were trash waiting to be taken out. It only made you all the angrier. Taking a step to the side, he stopped, arms crossing over his chest. Authoritative. Stringent. _Unimpressed._ “That is not information you need to concern yourself with.” He might have been the saner and more level-headed of the very few people you’d had the displeasure of meeting in the First Order, but he was just as irritating. 

Frustrated, you thrust your foot against the back of the chair, “YES IT DOES!”

Hux, General, whatever his damn name was, simply scoffed and lifted a hand to his shoulder, brushing off the fabric like you had personally repulsed him. Talk about obnoxious. “Perhaps it would do you no harm to work on your manner-” He was interrupted by the ligneous, automated door opening, the collision of a lightsaber striking the wall causing a vapor of dust to erupt from the stonework, the anodic noise ricocheting through the unadorned hallway in which the two stormtroopers had quickly fled down.

 **“Leave us,** General.” He almost spat the name, like it was venom in his mouth.

That voice. You knew that voice. It was _him_. Your heart rate increased vociferously, drowning out any other sound as it thrashed against your chest, deafening your eardrums. You tried to take a breath to calm down, to stop yourself from reacting like this, but it only made it worse. Slowly, your face turned to look at him, your movements panicked, strained. Kylo Ren stood in the entrance of the doorway, the dim lighting supplied by the fixtures in the ceiling illuminating his lustrous, terrifying mask. Even unseen, you could still envision his face. A face that despite it’s repugnant imperfections and scars, was beautiful, familiar. The combination of emotions that consumed you was nebulous. You were tired of this neverending tribulation.

Kylo, however, simply glared between you both, or at least you assumed he was glaring, because no sooner than a second later, his attention was focused solely on the pristinely uniformed man standing in the corner. 

“And why exactly would I do tha-” Hux’s face turned almost as scarlet as his hair, his hands clawing at his throat in an attempt to stop the invincible force from killing him, but his efforts were futile. Horrified, you looked onwards as his boots started to rise from the floor, lifting his lithe form into the emptiness around him. It was only then, you were aware of Kylo’s outstretched, gloved hand, turning inwards as he clenched it tighter. He was going to kill him if he didn’t stop. Flashing your attention back to the General, the ringing suddenly stopped, and he was on his knees, panting hysterically on the floor. 

He rushed to his feet then, an impassive growl shot in Kylo’s direction before he was gone, leaving you along with this murderous monster.

The very monster whose attention was now focused solely on you, in full attire as usual. He took a step forward, his combat boots triturating across the parquet flooring. He was too close for your liking, emitting an insane amount of tension from his tall, muscular frame. But he didn’t act on it, instead, he crouched slightly, running a warm, gloved hand across the bruised surface of your right wrist, as if analyzing the damage you had caused yourself in your attempts to get free of the restraints. Goosebumps erupted on the surface of your skin from his touch. You didn’t quite know what he did, but he’d affected you somehow.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you breathed. “Where am I?”

Maybe he might be a bit more useful in answering the question.

“You’re my guest.”

_“Where. Am. I?”_

“Like I said, you’re my guest.” He leaned closer, and it irked you because you had no idea where he was looking. “Your thoughts from earlier? You’re correct. No one is looking for you. The resistance you love so much? They aren’t coming.” 

“Stay out of my head!”

“It’s rather difficult when your thoughts are practically screaming at me.”

“You’re a liar.”

“Am I?”

“Yes!” 

“Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

“No. It’s. Not!”

“Isn’t it?”

“I _know_ they are looking for me.”

“Then why hasn’t the resistance scum come for you? Hm?” 

You glanced away, trying to hide the hurt. “You don’t know anything.”

“And you do?”

“I know enough to understand you’re-”

“I’m what? An animal? A monster? I’m sure whatever you say is nothing I haven’t heard before.” His ominous orbs darkened upon seeing the look on your face. “Ah, _there_ it is. You have that same look in your eye, the one when you called me a monster.” 

“You _**are**_ a monster!”

Kylo leaned forward then, pressing his forehead, or what you assumed was his forehead underneath that mask against your own, coercing you to look directly into the dark sockets - you couldn’t see them, but you could imagine those enticing hazel eyes, afflicted and glimmering with tints of green. His warm breath, felt even through the voice decoder drifted over your flustered cheeks, the hollow of his neck dipping further between his collarbone as if he was trying to control something - something _dangerous_ that lurked inside him. His voice astringent as the same hand moved further up your arm and gripped it harshly. “Perhaps I should show you what a true monster is.”

Your breath hitched from the proximity of his body pressing against your own, defense being your first mechanism. “How about I kick your teeth down your throat instead?” It came out as a hiss, challenging him. Little did you know, he thrived on that.

“Is that another _threat?_. I must say, I am impressed by your fierceness. You haven’t changed a bit.”

His fingers continued to constrict around your arm, squeezing painfully. You wanted to protest, to struggle, but you kept quiet, refusing to give him any hint that he was able to hurt you. Simultaneously, his other hand caressed your cheek, tender and almost caring, a far cry from what he did next - that same hand captured a handful of your H/C hair, the wavy locks cascading over the sleeve of his black robe. “You know I would happily destroy that pretty face of yours without even flinching, right? Just like what that damn savage did to mine.” His jaw clenched, growling. “One word of advice, I would learn to shut your damn fucking mouth before I shut it for you.”

“Make me.” The words escaped before you’d even thought them through.

You tentatively nibbled your lip, then you spat in his face. It was savage, but it was the only you could think of.

Kylo froze for a second, standing there apathetically as the saliva smeared his mask. It vaguely reminded you of the raindrop races you used to have with your friends, back before you joined the resistance. This, however, was an entirely different scenario, one that didn't even compare. Coming back to reality, you could see him reeling in absolute fury. You didn’t need to see his face to know that. In fact, it was probably just as well that his face was obscured by that eldritch mask, because if looks could kill, you’d be the first victim.

A second later, you were gasping loudly when his fist struck your face, the impact causing you to reel backwards and smack the back of your head on the metal frame of the chair. You could see stars. Bright stars glimmering like specks in the night sky - but it wasn’t the night sky, it was the darkness clouding your peripheral vision. He’d hit you so hard you almost passed out. Your hand frantically tried to free itself to touch the back of your head, but you could only tremble, aware of the liquid that poured from the slight wound he’d made on your forehead - it printed the side of your temple like the paint you’d use to sketch a painting. He lifted his hand again, but this time, his fist hit the wall instead, the ample plaster crumbling with the sheer force of it and raining over you like dust. You tried to look anywhere but at him, but it was like his predominant persona was controlling you, making you watch. He was furious, his anger synced with the palpitating of your pulse - and it only fueled him. He kept throwing his fist into that wall, not even the slightest bit phased by the pain, and he didn’t stop. 

“You.” He momentarily paused, the sound of his heavy breathing darker, threatening, warning. “Are. _**Vermin.**_ ”

Disorientated, you spoke through your haze. “And you are a _coward_ who hides behind a mask.”

How had that sweet boy you once knew become like this?

_“You’re going back to the resistance?”_

_Sunlight cast over the meadow, the chiliad of flowers glimmering in its glare. It was such a serene moment, so placid, so tranquil. There you were, perched on the ground with the most content of smiles. You were so happy here. Crouched before you, Ben Solo quizzed you with his words. His beautiful features etched into the the goofiest of grins, the dimples on his cheeks catching your breath. This was days before he turned. Days before everything changed. He so desperately wanted to entwine his fingers in those H/C tresses of your hair, dancing in the breeze of the cool wind. But he knew he shouldn’t._

_“I don’t have a choice, Ben. That’s where I belong.”_

_“I’m sure my Mother will be pleased by your devotion.”_

_You smacked him then, holding back a laugh. “You know I can’t stay here. I’m not a jedi.”_

_There was a pause before he sighed, his eyebrows furrowed in irritation. If only you had known what was going through his head at this point, what he was thinking. Unknown to you, this had been the start of his abhorrent thoughts, the beginning stages before he snapped._

_“Ben?”_

_The sound of your soft voice filtrating his eardrums disrupted the heinous thoughts that devoured his mind. Thoughts of hurting people. Thoughts of_ killing. _It scared him. Scared him because he didn’t understand what the images meant, or why they came in irregular sequences. Unintentionally, he brought his lower lip inwards, biting on it in a rather rigid manner. For days he had been putting up this facade that everything was fine. But, you were too smart for your own good. You sensed the torment in him. Like a feeling. Even if he _tried_ _to stop himself from hearing your thoughts, he sometimes listened in on them.__

__

__

_You smiled gently, small hands reaching to comfort him. Your hands. “What are you thinking?”_

__

__

_“That we can never be.” He answered honestly, his dark orbs glistening in the dull light provided from the sun. It was against the Jedi code. There was no changing that, and it tore him up inside, like a hollow, empty reminder that he would never have true happiness. Last week, he was excelling in all of his lessons, possessing the strength of his Uncle and Grandfather before him. This week, he was a mess, crumpled with the worry of what was happening to him. His eyes were wet, ringed with the oncoming of tears - he disguisedly brought the sleeve of his neutral colored tunic to his face, wiping the apex of his eyes before you noticed. He didn’t want you to see him cry. He didn’t want you to think he was weak, to have you know just how distraught he was. He didn’t want you to look at him the way everyone else had started too._

__

__

_“I know. Trust me, I know.”_

__

__

_Ben inched closer then, silencing you with his finger as it pressed against your lips. His head tilted forward, causing strands of his ochre colored hair to drape over his face, veiling the distressed expression that etched across his attractive features. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, bringing you closer to his warm embrace. He was terrified that you would disintegrate if he let you. That you would turn into an imaginary figment of his imagination. You had to be real. You just had too. “No matter who I become, or what happens, I will never hurt you. You believe that, don’t you?”_

__

He knew what you were doing with that memory, playing it so clearly like it had just happened yesterday. 

You would not get in his head. 

He wouldn’t allow it.

You were brought back to the present by his voice, calm and devoid of emotion. “Let the past die, Y/N. **Kill it** , if you have to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I literally just published this, but I couldn't help but post another Chapter lol! Thank you so much for the kudos. You guys are amazing! <3


	3. Mine

It’d been around half an hour since he left before the vociferate fall of footsteps reiterated in the air, amplifying the near they got. The nearer _he_ got. You could distinguish the tenacity in his strides, this determination in the pattern. It was as though something was torturing him to get back to you, this urge of anguish setting him on a warpath. Here goes round, whatever number this was. Peering around the somber, lurid walls of the room you were still restrained inside, your lashes flickered tiredly, wondering why the darkness did nothing to calm your overthinking, if anything, it only made it worse. You had too many questions. Too much resentment. Too much anger. You missed the resistance. You missed Poe. You missed your _life._

Not like it was much of one after Ben disappeared. You’d hardly been a joy to be around. Heck, it was a wonder how anyone managed to put up with your constant longing to find him, to ignore their warnings. If you had just listened, then none of this would ever have happened. You wouldn’t be here now. Poe had tried everything to make you see the truth, even General Organa could not convince you. You were in denial. Months worth of denial until it finally destroyed you. Filled with hope, desperation, you truly believed if you went to him, he would still be the same boy he once was.

But you were wrong. 

And now, you were living with the consequences of that mistake.

 _Why did you have to go down this path, Ben._ You thought miserably to yourself, unable to repress the spiteful thoughts - even with him just beyond the door. You knew he could hear you, it was a constant battle, a challenge, a game of who could outspite who first. This is what he wanted you to succumb to. To feel this way. To hate his very existence. _To break._ But you would not break. Psychological torment was his strategy, perpetrating your mind with constant reminders of his past self, only to shatter those memories. Destroy them. Taint them. He would rid you of all the happiness you once had when he was through tarnishing the things that kept you clinging to someone that no longer existed. Like a disease. A damn fucking virus. 

You would not surrender.

You would not accept that all there was left for you was this place and **him.**

In what seemed like a fit of rage, the archaic door flung open, hitting the wall with such force it almost snapped from its hinges. And there, standing in the miniscule amount of light in the corridor was the very man you had grown to despise in such a short period of time. He stalked inwards, his movements graceful. Enticing. If not made worse by that dark, shoulder length hair tousled over his porcelain, striking face. Unkempt and messy, like he’d been running his hands through it before he entered. How he provoked such an attraction was infuriating. He demanded that your eyes focus on him. To admire those pulchritudinous features you knew you should despise. And the _way_ he stared at you… it had goosebumps erupting on your bare skin. 

Perhaps he hadn’t noticed you were awake. If you just scrunched your eyes shut and pretended, it might make him leave.

“Your efforts will be futile. I know you’re awake.”

He was quick to diffuse your idea, his voice resounding in a deep baritone. Far too close for your liking. You could practically feel him breathing down your neck. Concerned by the close proximity, your eyes shot open, wide like a deer caught in headlights when those mesmerising, titian eyes looked directly back into yours. It almost caught your breath, but you exhaled. He would not have the pleasure of having this affect on you. He was again, draped in those obsidian, heavy clothes, not an ounce of skin visible besides his face. It then struck you that he was without his helmet. Perhaps he took your insult personally when you called him a coward. Regardless, you would complain. It at least made him seem a little more human. **”Go away.”**

“I thought you would say something along those lines. No matter,” He glances downwards now, clutching a metal tray in his gloved, callous hands. The contents did not matter, because your throat became unbearably parched when you noticed the water held within a condensated glass. “I guess you will not be needing this after all.” 

You were so desperate for a drink, but desperation would not make you succumb to showing him any gratitude for such a basic need. If you’d realised anything about Kylo, it was that those things he _allowed_ you to have would be held against you later. You only got what he gave you, and thus you knew there would be a price.

“You would be disappointed to know that is not my intention.”

“Isn’t it?!” 

A warm, gloved hand reached upwards, caressing the surface of your cheek before brushing a loose strand of H/C hair behind your ear. There was a tenderness in his touch, like you would shatter like a fractured object if he wasn’t careful. But there was still a possessiveness behind that touch as his fingertips trailed downwards onto your shoulder before it was suddenly retracted, and with it, the warmth he provided. “I will not tell you twice, vermin.” He took a step backwards, slamming the tray onto the parquet floor by your bare feet. “You take what I give you, or you starve.” 

“I’d rather starve than spend another second with you.”

If his expression was anything to go by, Kylo was not impressed with that retaliation. Or at least, that’s what it seemed like before his laughter was suddenly disseminating the quietude. “You really haven’t changed.” He smiled, a genuine smile, even if his voice was fused with sarcasm. “But that wasn’t one of the options, _Princess._.” Noting the rage that flashed in your eyes at the mention of that pet name from before, he stifled another laugh. “Does that seem more fitting than vermin? I suppose it got more of a reaction.” The intention was to get under your skin. He knew how to rival you up. How to get on your nerves. Maybe that was a little prodigious, you were far from a prissy fucking princess… ah, who was he kidding, he really didn’t give a fuck. Not when your fingers were twitching in such perfect symphony as if to mentally kill him. You were annoyed. Yep, definitely annoyed. **Good.**

“You’re a _disgrace._ ”

“Is that so?” That same hand which had retreated not even seconds ago was once again gripping your face, his index finger and thumb squeezing the indents of your cheekbones. It was impetuous how quickly his mood could change, how insouciantly he went from neutral to aggressive. His emotions were made of glass, shattered so quickly by the slightest hindrance. Maybe you didn’t realize it, or maybe he just didn’t want to admit it, but you irked him. “You should really learn your place.”

Anger coursed through your veins, but you controlled it. “Maybe **you** should learn yours.”

His lips pursed, as if to continue the sporadic argument, and just like that, the subject was effortlessly changed. “Where is Skywalker?”

“Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you _anything!_ ”

“Then where is the resistance?”

“I have _nothing_ to say to you.”

You were lying. 

He always knew when you were lying. 

“You know I can take whatever I want.”

“I won-”

“You **will** tell me where the resistance are.” 

“And if I don’t?”

“That,” He hisses. “You do not want to find out.”

It infuriated him that you could lie so auspiciously to his face. Perhaps you forgot his abilities to read your thoughts, and even if he didn’t possess that ability, he knew you like you were part of his identity, like his own shadow - he could read you like a book . He _always_ knew what you were thinking. He inhaled a sharp breath, releasing your face, only to snatch your arm, but you instinctively pulled it out of his grip and backed further into the chair. So now you wouldn't even let him touch you? He froze, studying your beautiful features that were captured in the moonlight that dissolved through the crack of the ship's window, before reeling around on the heel of his combat boots.

How stupid were you? 

And how stupid was _he_ for actually thinking you would just give it up that kind of information so easily? Your precious resistance had always been more important to you than him. You would protect them at all costs. It sparked his jealousy. A jealousy that was always beneath the surface, even before he became this way. The very thought made him want to hurt you. It was the only way to rid himself of this sudden anger. He was unpredictable, violent, _dangerous_. Not even he knew what he was capable of when this rage took control, he was just left with the aftermath of it when he woke up from his blackout. 

“Nothing you do to me will ever make me tell you.”

Your voice disrupted his moment of madness and deterred him for just a second - but only a second. He bent down, growling animalistically before seizing his lightsaber, igniting it, and whipping around to hold it against your face, the crimson sparks dancing as it precipitated to life. He could auscultate the fear, not just by your expression, but the way you breathed. You no longer eluded the confidence from before, now you were scared of him, and that’s what he was waiting for. You looked at him the way everyone did before he ended their pitiful existence. He didn’t care about anything besides making you hurt. He wanted you to suffer like he did. He brought his face milimetres from your own, the saber sparking electricity as it inched closer. “I should have killed you when I had the chance.” 

“Then do _**it.**_ ” 

You meant it. If he wanted to kill you that badly then he could damn well do it and get it over with. You were sick of his empty threats. He only growled at you and tightened his grip on your face, his thumb tracing your bottom lip. “You want me to kill you?” He drawled, cocking his head to the side.

But, something lurked in those dark eyes.

Hesitation.

He couldn’t bring himself to do it.

No. It was something more than that. “You’re problem,” you whispered, tilting your head forward until it was almost burning the side of your face. “Is that no one hates you more than you do.” 

“It’s the only way to become who I am meant to be.” He hisses in response, his words reiterating when his eyes flashed towards the saber then back to you, then back again, then his fist clenched and released you - deliberately placing as much distance as humanly possible. If he didn’t learn to control his temper, he would end up killing you. He forgot that unlike these animate objects around him which could be fixed, you couldn’t be. “I didn’t go through all this trouble to get you back, just to end your life in a fit of rage.” He looked at you once, then he was gone, absconding himself from the room like he’d just evaporated into the particles of air. If it wasn’t for the arduous slam of the door, you would’ve thought he’d never been there in the first place.

And once again, you were alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support so far guys! Your comments and kudos are everything! <3


	4. Paranoid

An intense gaze focused on your sleeping form, darkening as the echo of agitated, reticent footsteps resonated in the silence of the small interrogation room. Tenuously brushing his gloved hand over your H/C hair, he sighed, invigorated by the soft texture. It was so surreal to watch you sleep, even if he’d done it every night since he brought you here. Yet every night you became more beautiful to him. Every night he was able to retain you in his memory just that little bit more until he could see you as clearly as he saw you now, so he never had to forget what looking at you felt like. _Every damn night_ he was reminded of just how perfect you were, and how you would never return even just a fraction of what he felt for you back. Nobody could love him. Not even you. The girl who showed him kindness in a world that jeered insults and degraded him to nothing. The girl who made him _feel_ something when he felt empty inside. But he was a killer. **A monster.** That’s what you called him.

Numbly lifting his mask to press a callous kiss against your forehead, he looked down, the contrast of his dark robes against the light of your clothes an unnerving reminder that you would never be like him. He wanted you to turn to the dark side, but part of him knew that would never happen, not unless he made you. He would return to his chambers shortly, but he would not sleep. He never slept. His mind was in constant battle. Everyone he’d ever had the displeasure of knowing had lied to him. Even you. The resistance were liars. His Uncle was a liar. And yet, you still idolized them like they were the good guys. He despised them. Couldn’t you see he was just protecting you from their viciousness, from being destroyed by their fucking cruelness like he had?

 _No._ You would never understand that.

~~~

You tried so hard not to look at him, but the urge was so overwhelming it was like trying to tell a moth not to be attracted to a light, like some magnetic impulse was pulling your E/C eyes to his in the caliginous, cold room. Not even five minutes into his latest visit and he’d rendered you speechless. Kylo only stared back at you with an intensity that had you on edge. It made you fidget, unable to sit still, just waiting for him to tell you his intentions. “Why did you untie me?” And just like that, you were one in the same with that moth as you met danger in the eye. Subconsciously, your small hands continued to massage the broken, bruised skin around your wrists, caused by your struggles against the restraints. 

He remained silent for another long, intense moment before he growled bitterly, “You are in no position to ask me anything, vermin.”

"I was only asking.”

"And I said you are in no position to ask me anything." 

"What about-"

**“Don’t ask me again.”**

You almost argued back, _almost_ , had it not been for the callous, strained hand that reached for one of your wrists, unknowing he had been that close until his fingers cautiously traced the bruises you were so preoccupied with. Glancing downwards through strands of long H/C hair, you felt your stomach tighten. It was like a warning to stop, or suffer the consequences for breaking his temper. But nothing, _nothing_ could’ve prepared you for the way he looked at you when you finally looked up to meet his gaze. It had been so long since he’d looked at you the way he was now. Like he actually cared. 

Only, you knew he didn't. 

Someone who killed innocent people in the name of power couldn't feel anything besides their own greed.

That's why Kylo wasn't just smart, he used his own knowledge of your weakness to get what he wanted. That’s what would keep him in control.

You could not trust him, no matter how desperately you wanted to.

And yet, no matter how hard you tried to fight it, to deny it, to pretend, you knew somewhere in the depth of his insanity there was still that same frightened boy who just couldn’t let go of the past. You’d caught glimpses over the last few days, just small glimpses that made you believe he wasn’t just this monster he had become. That there was a reason he turned to the dark side. Ben longed to be a powerful Jedi, but he did not crave power. So what had turned him into this... no, this was the problem, if you tried to understand, if you tried to reason, you'd never come back from the places it would take you. You couldn’t fix someone who didn’t want to be fixed. Kylo Ren was not Ben Solo. He was dangerous, ruthless, unpredictable - ruled by his own rage. 

Behind the anger though, there was the look of someone who'd been betrayed. Hurt. You knew some of the story, not all of it, but enough to know he'd been hurt by everyone he ever thought had loved him. So, how could you blame him for becoming like this?

_All that remained of Ben was broken._

Momentarily, you stared up at him. At those dark eyes that adhered so much perplexity. At the perfectly symmetrical face he always hid behind that mask. At the pale, almost translucent complexion of his skin. It adhered you to say it, but you knew he could come back from this. It was a feeling so deep beneath the surface, you weren't sure even he could read it. 

Kylo only continued to stare back however, that same calculating look on his face like he was tearing your thoughts apart.

He was quiet. He was always so damn quiet.

“Why do you hate me so much?” 

The question took you by surprise, enough that it was almost a lifetime before you whispered a simple, “What?”

“I can see it in your eyes.” 

He was prying. You knew this was a test. If you said the wrong thing, it'd cost you.

“I don’t hate you.”

Kylo’s expression remained disparate, almost emotionless. He could see through your **lies** better than he could most things. There were a thousand meanings behind his words, desperately longing for an answer to the question he’d been asking himself for days now. He didn’t expect you to understand that he thought about it so often, or to answer him, but he needed one. “Then why do you keep searching for the good in me?”

How could the most simplest of questions be the hardest one to answer? How did you tell him _why_ when you genuinely didn’t have the answer yourself? You took a slow, steady breath before diverting your gaze to your hands, slightly irked by his persistence when he could just read your thoughts. "You already know the answer."

"I want to hear you say it."

“What? That I hate what you’ve become.”

If it hadn't been so quick, perhaps you would have seen the flicker of hurt in his eyes. The obscurity of it was aberrant, vulnerable. Such words would never be used to elucidate someone of his nature, but it was true, there was this vulnerability about him. It made you suspire to console him, to remind him that it didn’t change how you felt about who he used to be. Feelings didn’t just go away, but it didn’t mean you didn’t hate him. “You’re so quick to judge me.”

"How can I not when you took me away from everything I loved!"

Kylo quirked an eyebrow then, half expecting you to continue, before he hissed. "You used to consider me someone you loved."

Like you expected, he answered your thoughts before you’d even spoken them aloud. “That was before you became a monster!”

“You’re _**wrong.**_ ” It was impetuous how quickly his mood could change, how insouciantly he went from calm to the instincts of a psychopath. His emotions were made of glass, shattered so quickly by the slightest touch. Maybe you didn’t realize it, or maybe he just didn’t want to admit it, but he still possessed feelings. He knew it was spasmodic - how could someone like him, someone who thrived on the darkness even retain feelings? How could they even know what pain felt like? What love felt like? But he did. “I find it strange how you can distance yourself from your feelings when I wear the face of Ben Solo." 

“You aren’t Ben. You might wear his face, but you don’t retain an inch of what he resembled."

Implicated by your defiance, he simply frowned before ceasing your upper arm, tightening his hand around it painfully. You tried to pull back, biting on your lip to stop yourself from vocalizing that he was hurting you, but it was difficult, and he could see right through it. Simultaneously, he brushed his other hand over your face, or more like caressed it, his touch tender and almost loving - but that was a far cry from what he did next. His hand captured a handful of your H/C hair and yanked it back so his face was barely hovering above yours, the length cascading over the sleeve of his dark sleeve. “Don’t get so fucking cocky.” He growled, his jaw clenched in anger. “I’m all in favor of putting an end to your pitiful backtalk.” 

“Then do it.”

You were really going to regret being so confident that he wouldn’t actually kill you one of these days.

“I have something I’d like to show you first.”

~~~

You hesitated in the doorway Kylo had brought you too, numb from the disquietude feeling inside your stomach and the freezing incandescence of the room. It made you uneasy. Like someone was watching you. But from what you could make out in the darkness, it was empty, minus the sketch of furniture. You shouldn’t have believed him when he said he had something to show you, something about the resistance, about Poe. But he sounded so _truthful._ Surely he wasn’t that cruel… what part of him, if he had any humanity left, would brainwash him to let you out of that room after days of keeping you imprisoned, just to bring you to another interrogation room. Unless this was another of his mindfucks. You could have run. You could have made an attempt to escape, even if you knew you wouldn’t get far on this ship with the stormtroopers patrolling. You could have done _anything_ , other than believe for one second, for one actual second, that he was telling the truth. Yet Kylo, from what you’d seen, wasn’t a liar. He didn’t thrive on your inner struggle as much as you liked to think he did. If he was going to show you something, he’d damn well prove it. 

He told you he had proof they weren’t looking for you.

That they didn’t care.

“You were lying.” You spoke aloud, “Weren’t you?” 

As if to answer your unspoken questions, his umber eyes narrowed, fixating on the side of your face. You knew the silent look was a warning, but you were too stubborn to back down. Bothered by your lack of compliance, he coerced you to take another step into the room, using his strength to diminish your futile efforts to defy him. The more you fought, the easier it was for him to maneuver you and pin you tighter against his chest, and reluctantly, you soon realized that and stopped struggling. 

“What makes you so certain?” He hissed bitingly in your ear, barely able to catch a glimpse of his hand before you were thrown forward, his outburst so imperceptible that you barely saw it coming. Grimacing at the impact the concrete had on your legs, you drew him a look, your face flustered and H/C hair clinging to your forehead. There was a cocky smirk plastered on his face, the egotistical confidence he eluded almost verging on arrogant. In his mind he could only question how you hadn’t realized by now that your feeble attempts were useless.

Fucking asshole. 

Kylo in response, flicked his fingers upwards, causing your eyes to scrunch shut at the sudden burst of fluorescence, distressed from the lack of light you’d gone without for so long. Without uttering a sound, you wordlessly forced them open, only to freeze, motionless like the marcules in a painting, existing in a scene where time wasn’t relevant. You weren’t in the present right now, rather you were just integrating in your own subconsciousness, because nothing, nothing could have prepared you for it. You tried to speak, but those eyes, _his_ eyes stopped you. Everything went in slow motion as you crawled nearer, the sonancy of your movements barely existent. Had you finally crossed that thin line where sanity met its alter ego? Was this the only way to see anyone you loved again? Not their real form, but the form that existed in your imagination… he wasn’t real. So why… why did he look so real? 

“Poe?” 

You barely recognized your own voice, let alone the name you were saying. As much as you convinced yourself you would escape someday, that you would see the resistance again, somewhere in the back of your mind you never truly believed it. So seeing him now, it was ethereal. Softly brushing the hair from his face with your small hand, matted and unkempt from being kept in these conditions, you felt that inner wall crumble - that wall you’d learned to build around Kylo to protect yourself. Bruises marked the wrists that were bound in tape to the chair, blood smeared all the way down to the palm of his hands - he had obviously struggled, but no amount of willpower had broken the restraints.

And yet, he still didn’t speak.

He didn’t even seem to be looking at you.

“He can’t respond.” Came a low voice from behind. You’d almost forgotten he was there. "His thoughts however, well, you would be intrigued to know what he's thinking."

“What did you do to him?!”

“Nothing you have to be concerned about.” He smirked, bringing emphasis back to his previous words. Crouching down, he kept one knee bent so he could lean on it, his face was millimeters from yours - his mask propped lazily over his hair, exposing the pale complexion of his skin and the defined contour of his jawline. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, the way he dragged the sharpened edge of his teeth over his lower lip, the way he- your breath hitched at the feeling of his warm hand on your shoulder, alerting you to the way his fingers were sprawled outwards, a sign he was using his force ability on one of your only friends "You forget that I can do whatever I want, vermin.” His lips twitched in amusement. “Infact, take this as an act of kindness. Letting you see your _friends_ before I destroy them. I could have just killed him and had it over with." 

Your hand collided with his face before you even grasped what you were doing - not hard enough to crank his head to the side, but enough to defer him. The smirk disappeared, instead etching into a firm line. He kept forgetting you weren’t that same acquiesce, understanding girl he’d known from before, the one, who despite having already hit him, would hit him again. Seems you just didn’t **learn.** Flexing his cheek, he only glared. His patience was wearing thin, but he knew he had to keep it under control, until Supreme Leader Snoke granted him permission to do as he pleased with you, he couldn't cross his boundaries. But when he could, well, you'd come to regret ever lifting your hands to him. 

“Feel better?” He challenged. It was barely audible, but you knew he was mocking you.

“ _No._ ” You hissed, “I could do a lot worse.”

“Is that a threat?” 

“It won’t be in a second.”

A derisive growl escaped him when he shot a look in your direction then, the expression on those pulchritudinous features twisting into a look that might have scared you senseless if it hadn’t been replaced with another smirk so quickly. He would’ve acted on it any other time, but this situation right now would be enough to prove a point. “I admire your effort, but you don’t intimidate me, vermin.” His hand yet again took a grip of your hair, coercing you to look at him. 

“And _you_ don't scare me. How can anyone fear a coward who hides behind a mask!”

“Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know."

"You really want me to prove a point, don't you, vermin? Very well.”

Glaring, you sneered. “Go ahead.”

“Sorry, I don’t think I quite heard you. What did you say?” 

“I SAID go ahead, nothing you do will make me change my mind.”

“ _You_ might not be scared of me,” He demurred, emphasizing the word ‘you’ like it was supposed to prove a point, but little did you know that’s exactly what he was intending to do. Unclasping his hand from your hair, he threw you backwards, causing you to gasp when your back collided with the floor. Stalking like a predator would its prey, he moved closer to the resistance fighter, aware of your eyes watching him the entire time. He intimidated you. That’s the exact look he wanted to see. _Weakness._ This man, this piece of shit, whoever he was to you, was a weakness and he would make damn sure to use it against you. Anything he had to do to make you break. He didn't always have to stoop to violence to get what he wanted. Sometimes, manipulation could work wonders too. “ **But he will be.** ” 

“No!" You cried out as you inched backwards on your back, using the last of your strength to find your footing, but it did nothing because not even a second later some invisible force was keeping you rooted to the spot. You could only watch in hopeless desperation as you tried to reach your hands out, tried to move, tried to catch his anything. Anything to convince him otherwise. "Kylo, please..." There was a hitch in your voice as the fear you tried to deny had clutched you in it's grasp. "Don't hurt him... don't fucking touch him! Hurt me." Tears stung the edges of your apex, but they couldn't fall, as if frozen in place by his force. This is what he meant by your mistakes would cost you. You had just fueled him the ammunition he needed. "Hurt me instead! That's what you want, right? He hasn't done anything wrong, it was me. IT WAS ME! KYLO! LISTEN TO ME!" 

It seemed your crazed screaming finally got to him, for he stopped, staring at you with those deranged, empty eyes. “You can scream, vermin. Cry. Beg me not to kill your precious resistance, but you just don't _get it._ ” 

“Please… please just leave him out of this, Kylo. This is between me and you... he's not done anything. If you want to kill anyone, kill me. I'm the one who hurt you. KYLO PLEASE! I'll do anything."

_I'll do anything._

Oh, how that sounded like music to his ears. Soon, vermin. Soon.

“THAT’S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!” His scream rendered you speechless as he turned on his heel, promenading towards you. “You’re always so quick to paint _**me**_ as the monster.” His forehead tilted against yours, a gloved hand flexing on the fabric of your feculent t-shirt. He was close, too close. “Don’t you get it? I’m not the monster here, they are." Slowly, he reached up, tracing his fingers over your shoulder until he could twirl a strand of your hair around them. “ _They_ just couldn’t leave it alone. They just couldn’t understand that you belong here, **with me.** Missing pictures… rewards… publicizing your disappearance on every fucking planet. They should know better than to mess with the First Order. Innocents will be killed because of their mistakes."

"...you kill innocent people in the name of the First Order regardless of the reason, Kylo."

"No! You just don't fucking get it!" Drawing backwards, his callous hand reached downwards to retrieve the lightsaber from the hook of his belt, before turning effortlessly to hold it against Poe's statically frozen face, unlit, but still as threatening as if it had been. Just one flick of his finger and it could kill him. "The resistance scum?" You gulped, trying so hard not to cry out again, but the way Kylo's arm shook in absolute fury had you reeling in panic. You couldn't interfere, not now, not when he was behaving so irrationally. “He and my Mot-.” He paused, an emotion you couldn't quite place flicking across his handsome face. “General Organa.” He corrected, “Discovered where you disappeared that night. But they don't care about you, Y/N. They just see you as a resource."

You inhaled a sharp breath, “That's not true.” 

“You’re so naive,” He almost laughed, “So sheltered from the big bad world and all the monsters in it. Of course it is."

"IT'S NOT TRUE!"

"Look what they did to me, and you still think your precious little resistance isn't to blame."

"Your Mother loved you, Kylo..." Your eyes flashed towards Poe's, unblinking, but speaking a thousand words. "Surely you knew that."

"Of course I knew it. I could fucking feel it. I could sense her reaching out to me with her light for months, begging me not to go down this path. How disappointed she must be.”

“You should be ashamed for what you've done!” You spat, venom intertwined in every syllable.

He ruffled a gloved hand through his tousled mahogany hair, sighing. He got defensive when he was angry, and looking at your pretty face right now, it just made it worse. Not because what he was about to do was about to destroy you, but because he didn’t even feel the slightest bit remorseful at what you said. Perhaps part of him still had an inkling of love in regards to his Mother, but it did not change the fact that he simply did not care. Coming to his senses, he seemingly stared at something behind you, and that's when his expression changed, conflicted. No. It was worse than that, he looked insane. “Restrain her.” 

“Wha-” You barely uttered the words before a hand clasped over your mouth, silencing you. Struggling, a strong arm only gripped your wrists, pinning them to your waist and holding you in place. You couldn’t make them out in your peripheral vision, only that they were much taller than you, and their features were obscured by the armor of a stormtroopers uniform. But Kylo’s voice deterred you from your own panic at what was happening, and how, no matter how much you tried to fight, you were powerless. 

"What I'm about to do will make you understand your resistance is no match for me, vermin. No one is coming to save you. Not unless you want them all to end up like him.”

Precipitously, like he was acting on his emotions and nothing else, he thrust the side of his foot into the chair angrily, unphased as it collided with the floor, and with it, Poe. Those dark sockets narrowed intransigently as he took a step forward, aware of the way you attempted to wrench yourself from the person's adamantine grip. But it only made them growl at your unavailing attempts of freedom. 

“Because. You. Are. _**Mine.**_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you really think Kylo's going to kill him? (This is taking place around the same timeline as The Force Awakens). It will follow similar events but most of it will be different. Also, sorry for the update being a little late! I'm so, so thankful for all of your kudos and comments so far. Hope you enjoyed it. <3


	5. Captive

Your knees hit the ground long before you knew you were falling, but falling as you came to realise, was the _easy_ part, it was as simple as letting go of your body and letting gravity do the rest until there was nothing left - like now, as you lay on the cold ground with scathed knees, subconsciously floating in an empty space filled with static noises while the entire world fell apart around you. But **this** you figured, was what the aftermath was supposed to feel like. It was like existing, but existing in the form of an inanimate object that couldn’t feel anything besides this ache that was as numb as you felt. 

You could have lost yourself in this darkness, in this empty place where nothing, not even your emotions seemed to exist. Is this why Kylo turned to it? Because it was a comfort to not have to think about the dull reminder of life, or the problems that went with it? You expected to find him lurking in the depths of it, but there was no trace of him for as far as you could see - and just as you thought you might have found him, someone was pulling you out of there before you got lost in its grip.

It was like freezing water touched your bare skin when those cold, inalterable arms clad in white armour draped around your waist and hauled you to your feet, the shock of reality finally hitting you as wild, tear stained eyes searched your peripheral vision, only to meet the face of that tormented, pestiferous killer. 

He stood there, the flare of his extirpative lightsaber spitting sparks around his looming form, every inch as dominating as he was in your nightmares. Striking. Delirious. It was unnerving. Unnerving to think that this monster was once the reason for your happiness, for your smiles, for your laughter, and how he was now the reason for your torment. You could not save him from his own insanity. He was unredeemable. Not after this… not after…

Hesitantly you drew your eyes to the brunette resistance fighter, not knowing what to expect, but you definitely did not think you would find those kind, russet eyes smiling at yours in a way to tell you it was okay, that this was inevitable. 

He was still alive. _Poe was still alive._

A sob tore from your throat as you desperately tried to reach out to touch him, to convince yourself he really was still there and this wasn’t just a figment of your imagination. You’d convinced yourself the second that lightsaber was ignited that he was gone, that Kylo would not even blink. But he hadn’t. Struggling against the invincible force that kept you apart, you felt your heart breaking with the look that etched across his features next - the anguish that filled you when your mind subconsciously linked to his. He was silently telling you he was sorry for failing, for not being able to bring you home, and that this memory would always be your last of him. But you would be okay, he knew you would be okay. 

“Look at me.” A cold, dark voice pierced the silence, disrupting your moment. “ **Look. At. Me. Vermin.** ”

How could you look at him? _How_ when you felt like your heart was being torn apart? When there was this unimaginable feeling stemming from the darkest depths of your soul? This kind of pain was what broke people. You were the reason he was doing this. You were the reason Poe came looking for you. You were the reason Kylo tricked you. All of this was your fault. How would the resistance ever forgive you when they discovered their loving, straight to the point, funny fighter had been killed in spite of you? He was your mentor. Your best friend. The person who picked you up time and time again, who had loved you, took you in… 

_“POE! You’re such a dork! Get off me.” You huffed, eyebrows furrowed in a playful manner. The brunette simply laughed, shoving you onto the ship floor, his goofy grin a reflection of the unimpressed look on your face. You wanted to laugh and he knew it, but you could pretend otherwise until he stopped being his usual, annoying self. “Seriously, what age are you!?” You tried so hard to stifle it, but it came out less than a second later when you remembered this was a man nearing his thirties with the mindset of a child.  
Poe only snorted in response before whining, “Come on, you used to be so up for going on adventures!”_

_This brought a grin to your face, your pupils gleaming in amusement. Sometimes, you wondered what was going on in this overgrown child’s mind. “And you wonder why you’ve never been on a date?”_

_The brunette faked a gasp, gripping his chest as if he had just been insulted in the harshest way possible. “Yeah? That what you think?” He smirked, turning around so his back was now facing you. “Least I don’t daydream over loverboy.” Suddenly his rough hands were gripping the back of his t-shirt, from this angle looking like another pair of hands hugging him from the front. “OHHH BENNNNN.” He mocked, impersonating your voice, although in a higher key. “You’re so beautiful.” Fake kissing noises followed. “I loveeee youuuu.” He looked so ridiculous as he pranced around the ship, feet tangled in the many items of stuff scattered across the floor from your earlier mission. Damn, if only you could record this._

_“You’re such a dumbass!” You squealed, throwing one of the controllers at him which he easily dodged. “You’re so lucky you’re my best friend otherwise I’d be questioning it!”_

“He’s all I have.” Regret was the new smile in your eyes, and your thoughts felt irreparable for what seemed like forever. “I already lost you, Ben.” It hurt to talk through the tears that cascaded over your face like a violent and chaotic river, your voice so distorted through the sobs you wondered if he could even understand you. But there were a thousand meanings behind those words. “Don’t take the one thing I have left from me…” 

Kylo hesitated before slowly lifting a gloved hand to angle his fingers inwards, and then, your surroundings turned dark.

~~~

Tracing your fingertips over the uneven, horizontal marks etched in the wall, you exhaled a breath. These marks italicized the reminder of those who’d been kept in this room before you, their existence now just a distant memory. You tried to stop yourself from thinking about it, but when your bitter thoughts are the only thing entertaining you, there’s only so much you can ignore. 

_Were they also captive to a deranged monster who was captive to his own insanity?_

A monster who killed your best friend in an act of resentment.

There was no understanding him now, even if you still wanted to bring him back from the verge of self-destruction, there was no saving him. There never had been. There never was. Ben Solo was gone and your mistake was not coming to terms with it sooner.

Kylo had a reason for everything he did. His avaricious traits would be his downfall - the hindrance to his own insecurities. He needed to have control. Without it, he was unstable. Like the voltage of an electric wire. This was his own fucked up, pretentious fairytale - he the puppeteer and you the puppet. He manipulated the strings you were attached to without so much as blinking and Poe? He threatened to be the hero who destroyed the beast and saved the princess.

That’s what he called you once, did he not?

“I’m sorry about your friend.”

You froze at the sound of a male’s voice. It was low. Diacritic. Not one you recognised at all, but it seemed so familiar in the sense that it retained emotion. Well, at least more emotion that anyone you’d had the displeasure of coming across in the First Order had so far. It sounded so… _normal._ It was quite mesmeric actually, to think that these people were just like you. They weren’t special. They were human. Humans capable of evil. That was the only difference. After a brief pause, the male seemed to sigh and leaned against the outside of the dense door, the sound of armour scraping against the metallic surface - stormtrooper. That was your guess. 

He wasn’t different. He was just like them. You would not buy his kindness act.

Staring into the darkness like it would somehow answer your silent questions, you contemplated with yourself whether you should respond. But then, what reason did a stormtrooper have for talking to you in the first place? He had information, and that information was the only thing that would bring you out of this dissociation with reality. “Did- did he kill him?”

“Who?”

“Did he kill him?!” You repeated, emphasising every syllable. Now you knew where you recognised his voice. He was the one who restrained you on Kylo’s order. He stopped you from intervening, from doing something, anything to protect Poe, and now he thought he could just apologise like you would forgive him? Well fuck him. You knew not to trust anyone in this place. No one. “I know you were there.”

“I don’t know…”

“Did. He. Kill. Him?!” 

The idiosyncratic male fastidiously sighed again, “I left with you before anything happened."

“If you don’t have answers, leave me alone.” 

You remained silent for quite some time then, listening as the minutes ticked, elapsing one after the other - it was mesmeric how the handles ticked with such linked euphony. But like everything, time diverged into a blur, becoming nothing more than familiarity. It was extraneous how you could become accustomed to something as tedious as that, or at least, that’s what you’d always believed. Silence was exactly like it’s name referred - a silent killer. Was that what it was doing to you? Chipping away at the remnants of your sanity? It was ironic how true the saying proved once you thought about it. 

How long had it been? Hours? Days? Minutes…

However long it’d been, this person showed no signs of moving.

Diverting your gaze downwards, you once again subconsciously argued with yourself. On one hand, this stormtrooper was risking everything just being here talking to you, and on the other, it could all be a ploy to get information out of you too. But maybe, maybe if you listened to him you might understand the intention behind him being here and not just your own rationale. You were always so quick to make assumptions, then again, how was _he_ any different? “Did your precious First Order send you here to ask me more about the resistance? Because if they did, you can fu-”

“I’m not one of them.”

“BULLSHIT!” You interjected angrily, your E/C eyes narrowing in the darkness. If only he could see them, he would understand your eyes revealed more than your words ever could. 

“I was brought here by the First order when I was a kid, trust me when I say I never wanted anything to do with them.” 

There was hurt in his voice. Anger. Pain. It was unmistakable. Why was this man so oscillating?

“Then who are you?” 

“Finn. My name is Finn.”

“Finn?”

“That’s what I remember my name being before I came here.”

“How long have you been here?” 

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It _matters_.”

“5470 days.” He exclaimed then, trying to act like it wasn’t such a significant number. That it didn’t affect him, but you could hear the crack in his voice. You could almost sense it. “Your Y/N, right?” 

“How did you know that?!” 

“I heard Ren call you that when we were in the-”

**“Am I interrupting something?”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for all your lovely comments and kudos. I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this. 
> 
> **DECISION TIME!** I'd like to make this story more interactive for you guys, and the decisions will get more interesting. But for now, who would you like the 'interrupter' to be - Kylo or Hux? Could secretly be Poe. The one with the most votes wins.
> 
> Thank you for reading. <3


	6. Imperfect

“Am I interrupting something?”

“General Hux.” Finn sputtered in a haste to acknowledge the dictatorial male, seemingly unnerved by his abrupt appearance. You could faintly hear the way he inhaled a sharp breath and scrambled to his feet, disheartened that your conversation had been disrupted. He sounded so weak, so vulnerable, so _exposed_ when answering back to the authority of the First Order, like he truly despised being part of it. Maybe he really was telling the truth. “I was just commencing duties.” 

There was silence for one intense moment before the russet haired male spoke, or more like sneered, “And what _duties_ was that, FN-2187?”

You exhaled a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, apprehensive about Finn’s answer. It didn’t matter if he insulted you, blamed you, did anything to get himself out of this situation. He was lying straight to the face of one of the First Order’s Generals. They were unforgiving. Callous. Cold. If Hux hinted any hesitation he would be sure to question him further, to act on it. Finn wanted to be the hero. Hux wanted control. There was only one of two ways this could end.

“I was watching the girl.” 

“ _Watching_ the girl?” Another pause, “I beg to differ, FN-2187, as it seems to me you were much too **comfortable** talking to the resistance scum.”

“I was just following orders.”

“Orders from whom?”

“General Knox.” 

Another prolonged moment of silence followed before Hux spoke, his voice tense. “And what exactly were his orders?”

“To watch the girl.”

“Careful with your tone, FN-2187. You won’t be the first to cross me today.” You could just about imagine the smirk on Hux’s face, reveling in his authority. “Return to your post, I shall see to the girl.” 

Footsteps sounded down the corridor, and not even a second later the archaic door was thrown open, colliding with the wall with so much force it almost snapped from its hinges - guess he thought the plaster could do with some new dents. Hesitantly, your E/C orbs darted across the room to focus on the russet haired male who stood in a miniscule amount of light. You reacted by shifting backwards on the ruinous mattress and bringing your knees upwards to your chest when he took a step forward, sauntering across the linoleum floor in your direction. His movements were so oddly graceful and catlike that it really perplexed you to think he was the enemy. 

“Good Evening, Y/N.” 

You stared at him. Staring had become your main way of communicating. It was a contest of sorts to see who would look away first, but it seemed on this occasion neither of you were backing down. He inched that handsome face closer, cerulean orbs narrowing as he studied your anxious posture. Vigilant. He noticed everything. It was quite mesmerising. A remarkable trait that probably got him his rank so young. 

“Am I to presume your silence is an answer?”

“What does it matter to you, you pretentious snake.”

Hux halted, anger flashing across those features so briskly you almost missed it. “My, my, _my_ , Y/N. That was rather _cruel._ I was simply being polite.” He seemed to frown, pondering the motives behind your insult. “I knew the cat had claws, but I did not expect it to attack.”

“What else did you expect?! You’re keeping me locked up like an animal.”

“Correction. **Ren** Hux.”

To say he wasn’t provoked by that spiteful look on your face, by that sassy attitude, by that act of defiance would’ve been a lie. And the way you said his name? Well that really pushed him over the edge. Seems you knew a thing or two on how to criticize and deride people. He’d underestimated Ren’s obsession with you, the resistance scum. “I can assure you,” Hux flexed his gloved hand on the feculent mattress as he crouched down, so close it made the hairs on your arms stand on edge. “It does.” 

“You’re a joke. Your entire First Order is a joke.” 

He only lifted his hand, caressing his fingers over the soft, delicate skin on your cheek. If this had been any other situation, it might have been mistaken as affection, but with Hux, it went beyond that. There was a familiar pruriency scribed over his features that reminded you so much of the one Kylo wore. “And your precious resistance is a hindrance to our plans. Does that make us even?” 

Shoving his hand from your face, you scoffed. “You kill innocent people. You’re power thirsty **_leeches._** ”

“And you think the resistance is any better?” He sneered, his mood changing instantaneously like the flick of a switch. “There’s so much you don’t know about them.”

“You think I’ll believe anything you say to me?” 

“Very well. I won’t say any more.”

“So that’s it? You’re not going to try and turn me against them?”

“That’s it.”

What was this man playing at? Surely this was all just part of the act. “I kno-” Yet, you barely had a chance to call him out on it before he interrupted you with a turned up nose, his expression one of disgust.

“How long have you been in this filth?”

“Stop ignoring my questions, you pretentious snake!” 

Hux’s demeanor changed so drastically that you barely even had time to react before he was on his feet and you were being hauled up from the mattress by your wrist. You could feel your heart beginning to quicken in your panic when you yanked backwards, only for him to tighten his grip and shove you against the wall. Catching his stare, you cried out, emitting a series of ragged gasps, but he didn’t falter. There was a different look in his eyes now, still the faintest glimmer of that arrogance, but for the most part he actually intimidated you. There were a lot of things you expected from Hux, but this was not one of them. You didn’t actually think he had it in him.

“I can see why Ren is so fond of this approach,” he crooned. “I must admit, it’s quite _exhilarating_ , Y/N.” His tone was light and jaunty, but you could clearly detect the underlying hostility. “You make some bold insults for someone who is in the presence of the First Order.”

“Nothing that isn’t true.” 

“Then perhaps I can change your derogatory opinion of me.”

“That will never happen.”

“Either you trust me and accept my kindness, or you remain here in these filthy conditions. Either way, I am not going to object.” He smiled then, a genuine smile, almost like he was challenging you to decline his invitation. All it did was perplex you. Hux did not seem the type to be so generous, so he either had a reason in all this or he was trying to irk Kylo up the wrong way.

You nodded, deciding that whatever he had planned was at least better than staying here. “Fine.”

~~~

Your footsteps quickened, personating the way Hux’s boots abraded against the parquet floor in his hast to get to wherever you were going. It was a struggle to keep up with his pace, but you had no choice in the matter when he was practically dragging you along behind him by a tight grip on your wrist. The sound echoed off of the interior panels of the exorbitant ship, the only sound actually besides the occasional appearance of a stormtrooper or two. It must be late. There was no way a place Kylo Ren resided was this quiet. You supposed it was less conspicuous to move at night though, less questioning, less judgment. 

Soon enough, Hux stopped abruptly before another computerized door - a swipe of his keycard over the optical scanner and it opened before the card to your freedom was once again shoved into the pocket of his pristine jacket. The bright lights caused your eyes to scrunch shut, before blinking once, twice, and analyzing your surroundings. A washroom? Really? Several cubicles were on either side of the room, a shower contained in each of them. This must be the shared facility the lesser of the First Order used to wash up. Surely this was not his idea of being kind… this was a basic human necessity. 

No. That’s exactly what this was. 

“I assume these washing facilities must be an upgrade from those the resistance scum offer you?”

Arching an eyebrow, you turned to look at him. “You act like I’m not one of them.”

Hux only scoffed, shoulders back and authoritative, yet he frequently kept checking his own appearance; it was as if he felt superior and insecure all at once, perhaps that was the emotional optimum in a shallow society such as this. “You are far more than resistance scum, Y/N. You just haven’t come to that realization yet.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know enough.”

“You underestimate them,” You shot back tiredly,irritated by his ability to annoy you so easily. “And me.”

“I do not underestimate you.” Hux smirked, continuing to make his own judgement about you. You might’ve been irked by his questions, but he was just as irked by the way you looked at him. You didn’t just look at him, you looked _through_ him. It was different to the way others looked at him, it was worse. Much worse. He was used to their stares, but yours made him feel uneasy, and no one made him feel that way. “I simply question your judgement.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Ren.” 

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“He’s the reason you’re here, is he not? If it were not for your lack of judgement, that would not be the case.” 

You so desperately wanted to bite back at that disdainful comment, but if you had learned anything, it was better to keep quiet. A reaction was what he wanted. Pursing your lips into a firm line, you sighed, wrapping your arms around your waist. Hux only gave a slight chuckle and turned to the lockers behind him, rummaging through one that was already open. Not even a moment later he was yet again facing you, a bundle of clothes gathered in his arms, presumably for you if his gesture to take them was a hint. Frustrated, you snatched them from his hands. You would not show any gratitude to anyone in the First Order no matter how much kindness they showed you. There was a reason for this. You just knew it.

“Are you going to stand there all night, or are you going to shower?”

Taken aback by the sudden realisation that you were indeed, still there, and still staring, you shrugged your shoulders. “Aren’t you going to leave?”

“If you think I’m going to leave you unsupervised you are terribly mistaken. You are not a guest here. I shall however, be gentlemanly enough to turn around.”

“Great.” You forced a smile, sarcasm laced in your tone.

Looks like your plan was just backfired on you.

~~~

You took a once over at the greenish-blue dress that was made of a soft, satiny fabric and draped loosely over your legs. It fitted around your small waist, emphasising the curve of your body, slightly off-shoulder to expose the skin there. It wasn’t provocative, far from it. Surprisingly, you felt rather graceful in it. It was a far comparison to the usual attire you wore, normally pants and a loose t-shirt, so to see yourself like this was, _different._ Brushing a hand through your H/C hair, you swept it over your shoulder and stepped out of the cubicle, still barefoot. Seems they were against their ‘guests’ wearing shoes. Maybe they thought they could be useful weapons. 

“Are you quite done?” 

“I suppose.”

The russet haired male turned then, the bored expression etching into a look that could otherwise be considered surprised. He seemed at a loss for words as he lifted a hand to his chin, rubbing at it thoughtfully. “You look exquisite.” 

He reached out then to take your hand, a different approach from how he handled you before. He seemed far more gentle now. Maybe this had been his intention. Exhaling a sigh, you traipsed out of the washroom closely behind him, only for you to be yanked to his side when a short man came running in your direction and almost knocked you off your feet. The sheer terror in his face was not to be ignored, and almost immediately you felt yourself start to panic. You knew only one person who could cause that kind of look on someone.

“Sir- General Hux, I- Ren… he is looking for the girl.” 

Hux, seemingly unphased and somewhat amused, smiled cockily. “Then tell him she’s right **here.** ”

Time stood still. He knew. He was here. Your heart beat vociferously. It was so loud it drowned out any other sound and inundated your mind. You could feel it thrashing against your chest, accelerating at a pace you didn’t even know possible. If Kylo was looking for you then he knew someone had let you out of that room, and that meant consequences. Your movements were so slow, so panicked, so strained. You didn’t realize how much of an impact he had on you until you realized you were on the verge of hyperventilating.

“WHERE IS THE GIRL!?” 

Slowly, your E/C orbs fixated on the space behind you, and there he stood. 

Powerful. Threatening. Deranged. 

Breathing heavily, he outstretched a gloved hand and pinned a stormtrooper against the wall, using his force abilities to hold him there. His lightsaber was ignited, a prime indication to just how angry he was. He was practically shaking with rage. Unrecognizable, a complete mess. He stood in the center of all the rubble that surrounded him. - he was liable for it. He was having an episode. An episode he so often had these days. He was fine one moment, but as soon as he realized you were gone he was blinded by the same rage that coursed through his veins. The entire corridor was decorated by his fists, he’d lost count of how many times he’d propelled them into the wall before he’d ignited his saber, or how many erratic, relentless screams escaped him before he gained an audience. The anger was uncontrollable, and sometimes, like right now, he couldn’t distinguish the difference between what was emotional pain and what was physical pain. He jerked his attention in every direction, every movement, every sound, convinced it was you.

“WHERE. IS. SHE?!” His lightsaber collided with the door this time, causing the metal hinges to rattle, sparks spitting, his transcendental abilities manipulating the vapors that arose. Then he did it again. And again. _And again._ Until it caved. Until the handle broke from the exterior wall and lay by his feet. 

All those witnessing the scene scattered in panic, hoping not to be at the receiving end of his next outburst.

You took a step back, your vision blurred from the smoke that lingered around his tall physique, begging your feet to move, to run, just like all those stood around you were. But, as he turned, you were rooted to the spot. Strands of black, singed hair clung to his forehead, sweat glistening on the surface.

And then, his eyes finally caught yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddddd, it's a Cliffhanger! :') Sorry! I know we all hate cliffhangers lol. Also, I'd just like to say thank you all so, so much for the 601 Kudos! I am honestly so grateful, and for all of your lovely comments! I've made sure to reply to all of them. 
> 
> So, what do you think Kylo's going to do to you? And are you -
> 
> 1\. Going to run.  
> 2\. Stay rooted to the spot. 
> 
> The decision is yours! <3


	7. Mistake

_And then, his eyes met yours._

You should’ve looked away. You shouldn’t have stared back. There were so many things you shouldn’t have done, but the look you gave him - ablaze with so anger, so much anguish, so much hatred, you should have known how he would react. Within seconds there was an insurmountable force anchored around your limbs, caressing your neck like a brush painting a canvas red. Your fingertips twitched, your lips parted in a silent scream, but you were vulnerable to the unyielding ability of his powers. Paralyzed. The static heightened, prying apart your mind with an inscrutable amount of damage left in its wake - a perquisition for him to find what he was looking for, and he found it without any hesitation. Finn, his kindness, a traitor to the First Order, your repressive thoughts about Poe, Hux sinking in his claws to gain your trust. He saw it all.

“Ren. What a pleasant surprise.” Hux interjected in a sneer, nose turned up in vindictiveness. 

If there was ever a time to be thankful for the pretentious redheads presence, you dared say it was now, for as soon as he spoke the pressure was gone. You could finally hear your own pulse, vociferous and loud as you hit the floor. It took only a second to process you had control of your own body again, but he’d depleted you of any strength you had left. Like a parasite that drained every molecule of an individual. _A leech._ Weakly, you rubbed your arms, trying to convince yourself there was no reminiscence of him there. 

“Now, are you quite finished assaulting my men?” Again, the displeased tone was unmistakable as Hux wavered a gloved hand over those unfortunate enough to be in the way of Kylo’s warpath. Now, they were just a heap of stygian, pristine uniforms dispersed like meandrous mannequins. An abolition caused in the wake of his temper. Unmerciful. Taking lives did not concern Kylo, it mattered not whose side they were on, everyone was disposable if he so chose. 

“The girl,” Kylo hissed through gritted teeth, “She belongs to **me.**.”

Tutting, the russet haired male turned one immaculate boot in your direction and crouched, placing a hand under your arm in a means to help you up. Still half conscious of what was going on, you took a grip on his arm and allowed him to haul you to your feet. “The girl is an asset to the First Order, not a proprietary.” 

Hux was playing a very dangerous game. 

He should know better than to provoke the beast.

Furiously, Kylo’s dark eyes started to narrow, vexed by the way hands which did not belong to him touched you. “I do not care for your opinion, General. That is the only reason you are still currently breathing.” His words were clear and not to be mistaken. A silent threat. A warning as his combat boots drew nearer in an egregious manner, ungloved hands clenched so tightly the already pale skin was on the verge of translucent. It was imprudent how difficult he found it to control his anger.

“You forget, _Ren,_ that I am not as disposable as my men. Your idle threats do not in the least bit phase me.”

“You have no conception of how important the girl is.” 

“Ah, I do not… have I?” Hux yet again smirked. “Perhaps I just do not share your own warped perception on the matter.”

“That girl,” The heinous way he spat the pronoun was a clear indication how he felt about you. You were vermin. Resistance scum. The girl. He lacked any kindness to refer to you as anything but, it was a means to hurt you. It was the only way to rid himself of this anger. He was unpredictable, violent, dangerous. Not even he knew what he was capable of when this rage took control, he was just left with the aftermath of it when he woke up from his blackout. Digging his nails into the palm of his hand, he glanced in your direction. “Has the map to _Skywalker. _”__

__Your lips pursed into a firm line as you glared into that quantly handsome face, daring him to tell the truth. The real truth. Not this bullshit lie he’d spun. You didn’t have the map to Luke Skywalker and as far as you were concerned, no one did. Luke took off after the downfall of the Jedi, after failing his nephew. No one had seen him since. The Jedi fell the day Kylo turned on them. The day he became a miscreation of darkness. The day he became a remnant of someone you’d once cared about. He was the hope of so many, and now, he was the very thing the Jedi swore to destroy._ _

__You didn’t know anything about his uncle’s whereabouts, surely he saw that when he searched the very depth of your memory and found nothing but that; memories. There was no map and you were not here because of his delusional obsession with his uncle. It was deeper. Much deeper than that._ _

__If he wanted to find Skywalker, he’d have to search a lot damn harder._ _

__“Careful, Ren, that your personal interests with the girl not interfere with orders from Leader Snoke.”_ _

__“Do you dare question my intentions, General?”_ _

__“I only question what your purpose is with the girl, albeit this map you speak of.”_ _

__“That is none of your concern.”_ _

__“Ah, but that is where we are at a disagreement.”_ _

__Kylo’s expression changed, darkened by so much animosity it almost altered the portentous atmosphere. “I could crush you with little more than a wave of my hand,” He grit, umber orbs fixed in spite. “You must be an idiot to forget that.”_ _

__You couldn’t read his thoughts, nor could you comprehend just how serious he was, but somehow, you understood. From the way his eyebrows furrowed, causing the creases on his forehead to become more prominent, to the way his broad shoulders tensed - he hadn’t changed. He only gave that sort of reaction when someone got under his skin. Hux knew exactly what to say to provoke him. The only downfall you supposed was that Kylo couldn’t kill him, assuming he didn’t want to answer to this Supreme Leader Snoke. The name was familiar, thrown around the resistance during many missions, he was the one who brought the darkside back to superiority after Luke Skywalker and Kylo’s own grandfather brought upon its destruction. Vader, he was known as a traitor of the darkside, the most powerful Jedi the Galaxy had ever seen. He saved his son. His last and final redemption. The tragic hero who’d once been the chosen one, Anakin Skywalker. He finally brought balance to the force, only for his own grandson to undo all he’d done._ _

__“An idiot?” Spit flew from the corner of Hux’s mouth in absolute outrage at being referred to in such a degrading manner. “ _You_ , who claims to have abilities beyond my comprehension, yet can’t even keep a simple girl under control!”_ _

__“My abilities **are** beyond your understanding, General. You would be wise to remember exactly whose bloodline I descend from.”_ _

__“Ah, yes, your grandfather. The mighty Lord Vader. A notorious traitor of the darksi-”_ _

__Mid-word, Hux was aggressively thrown across the linear corridor and propelled up the wall by that same invincible force that’d once held you paralyzed. You flinched, trying to drown out the strangulated cries of the usually prestigious male, but it was so hard to ignore the asperity radiating from Kylo, even from your position against the opposing wall - those pulchritudinous features twisted in rage, arm outstretched and fist clenching inwards. There was a line you should not cross, and Hux had just crossed it. Bringing Kylo’s idolised grandfather into the argument, the very person he aspired to be…_ _

__Not knowing where to look, your gaze darted between the two, but lingered longer on the horrified expression that etched across Hux’s face. He looked panicked as he scratched desperately against his own neck, his movements limited as he made a futile struggle to take in air. You could almost see the dangerous pressure of Kylo’s invincible force around his neck, practically choking the life out of the redhead. His chest heaved, eyes frenzied as they met yours. You had never quite seen a man of his ranking physically beg someone to intervene like he was now._ _

__“STOP!” The intensity of your scream pierced louder than the suspired breaths Hux inhaled. He was the enemy. Why were you trying to protect him?! Unnerved, you tried to avoid the blaring glare of the monster when he turned on you angrily, and that was when you realised how stupid you were to get involved. _Don’t look at him._ Your lower lip trembled as you glanced downwards, hands shaking. _Don’t look at him…_ _ _

__Unbeknown to you, Kylo was thinking the complete opposite. He studied those E/C orbs which refused to meet his, so beguiled by their beauty it unsettled him. He wanted, no, he **needed** you to look at him. Taking a determined step towards you, but not lessening his grip on the redhead, he thought intensely about what you were asking. It was pathetic, why ask to spare the life of a man who was no different than him? Hux wouldn’t have hesitated in ending anyone who betrayed the First Order, including you. And yet, here you were, as fucking selfless and compassionate as you always had been.That was why you wouldn’t look at him, because you knew he’d detect it behind your eyes. You were the only person he knew who’d sympathise with the enemy. “Would you like me to spare him, vermin?” _ _

__You only nodded in response, unable to find your voice._ _

__“He’s the enemy. You said so yourself. Why would you think to spare him?” It was nothing more than a hiss, dissenting any truth you had just proclaimed._ _

__“Because… because I-” Your voice wavered, “I’m not like you. You’re-”_ _

__“A monster?”_ _

__“ _Heartless._ ”_ _

__Hux, half engaged in the conflict occurring before him limply dropped his hands, his consciousness slipping as the pressure around his neck refused to ease. The darkness swirled in his peripheral vision, threatening to take grip - yet, just as he was about to give into it, the heaviness disappeared as quickly as it had begun and he was falling, collapsing on the floor with distorted gasps, choking and spluttering as he tried to take in the precious oxygen his damaged throat had been denied._ _

__“How capable are your soldiers, General?” Kylo’s attention turned on Hux, his euphonious voice holding no emotion, like he hadn’t just tried to kill the russet haired male just moments ago._ _

__Gathering his wits as he recovered from the assault, the mentioned male rubbed his neck aggressively. “I won’t have you question my men.”_ _

__“They're obviously skilled at committing high treason. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army.”_ _

__“My men are exceptionally trained. Programmed from birth.”_ _

__Arching an eyebrow, he turned his attention solely on you, as if to emphasise his next words for you and only you. “Then they should have no problem retrieving the droid. Unharmed.”_ _

__The droid? What dro- BB8. That perfunctory, intelligent little droid Poe absolutely adored. It was a BB-series astromech droid which operated approximately thirty years after the Battle of Endor, similar to that of R2 series astromech droids. A small, bulk of a thing shaded in white, silver, and orange. BB8 always accompanied you and Poe during your adventures on his T-70 X-wing starfighter. What could Kylo possibly want with it? No. _No._ Now you understood - it wasn’t you who had the map to Skywalker, it was the very thing you were associated with, that’s what he meant by you having the map to Skywalker, because only those with a relationship with the cyborg could activate it. _ _

__“Supreme Leader Snoke was explicit. Capture the droid if we can, but destroy it if we must.”_ _

__“I want that map. For your sake... I suggest you get it.”_ _

__~~~_ _

__“The droid. You’ll never find it.”_ _

__The heavy fall of footsteps echoed in your ears, intensifying as they drew closer. As _he_ drew closer. His eyes menacingly looked over his own hands the entire time, the delineation of their form casting perilous shadows across the wall. “Do not underestimate me, vermin.” Precipitously, like he wasn’t thinking and was acting on brach decisions alone, he thrust his hand against the wall mere inches above you, before it struck downwards - you flinched, prepared for the impact - but he stopped himself, his clenched fist lingering in the air before it fell back by his side._ _

__“Even if you did,” You breathed, “I wouldn’t programme it to show you anything.”_ _

__Kylo only snorted, the faintest of smirks tugging at his lips. “You’re foolish if you believe that.” Snatching your wrist in one of his callous hands, he hauled you forward, fear crawling along every nerve in your body from the look he then gave you. He was no longer amused by your sudden act of defiance, instead, furious that you would even dare to threaten him with the possibility of not giving him the coordinates to his uncle. This obsession to reenact revenge was what drove him further to the brink of destruction, that pushed him across that line where sanity met it’s alter ego. He’d hovered on the edge of it for so long, but whatever ordeal took place with Skywalker, it broke him. “You know I can take whatever I want.”_ _

__“I won’t give you _ **anything.**_ ” You grit, eyes narrowed intransigently as you attempted to wrench your wrist from his adamantine grip. You didn't want to be in the vicinity of this domineering man any longer. He only seemed to snarl at your unavailing attempts of freedom, extending his other hand in the direction of your waist to pull you towards his toned chest._ _

__“The resistance scum,” He abruptly changed the subject, his grip tightening, highlighting the coalesce of faint bruises that already marked your wrist. “I can hear your thoughts, your pain. You want to know what I did to him.”_ _

__“Don’t you _ **dare**_ speak of him.”_ _

__“He was a liability. I took him out of the equation.”_ _

__“Murderous snake!”_ _

__Implicated by your defiance and the way your eyes darkened, he simply frowned, coercing you to look into those hateful, glistening orbs. You tried to pull back, biting on your lip to stop yourself from vocalising that he was hurting you, but it was difficult, and he could see right through it. Simultaneously, he brushed his other hand over your face, or more like caressed it, his touch tender and almost loving - but that was a far cry from what he did next. His hand captured a handful of your H/C hair and yanked it back so his face was barely hovering above yours, the length cascading over the sleeve of his dark t-shirt. “Would you still call me that,” His jaw clenched in anger. “If he were indeed, still alive?”_ _

__“Nothing will ever change the way I see you.” Your tone did not falter._ _

__“And yet, you still can’t seem to let go of who I once was.”_ _

__“You’re wrong!”_ _

__“You can’t lie to me." A harsh grip took hold of your neck, the small of your back taking the brunt of the force as you were shoved against the wall, desperately trying to touch the floor with the tip of your toes. You scratched at his pellucid skin, but he barely felt it, not even when your nails hitched into the grooves of his knuckles, in fact he thrived on it. The way your heart accelerated against his body when he leaned into you, the way a series of ragged gasps escaped your mouth and filled his ears with music, but not as much as the way you were now looking at him, the resentment, so conflicted on your inability to truly hate him. “You must think me so damn stupid. Do you not think I know what kind of game you’re playing, vermin?”_ _

__“Kylo-”_ _

__He could hear the desperation in your voice, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough._ _

__“Tonight,” He all but spat, finally releasing you. “You will join me for dinner. I suggest for your sake, you attend.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Hux, he's always on the receiving end of Kylo and his temper.
> 
> Alas, there was no running away in this Chapter, but fret not lovely readers, you will have plenty of it in the next Chapter! <3
> 
> So, you're choice - 
> 
> 1\. Show up for dinner with Kylo when someone comes to get you.  
> 2\. Refuse to attend and make Kylo veryyy angry.


	8. Destroy

_“I know about… what happened.”_

_“Did **he** tell you?” He spat in annoyance, noting how acquiesce it was for you to understand whatever it was you’d been told. No doubt his uncle had exaggerated the matter, he’d be willing to bet on it. Turning on the heel of his combat boot, he stalked towards the door, then back again, changing directions, pacing, resentful. He couldn’t escape his own mind, nor this tortuous anger that coursed through his veins. All he knew these days was anger. It controlled him, consumed him, devoured all the happiness he had left. It wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay._ He _wasn’t okay._

_“He’s worried about you, Ben.”_

_“Worried? He’s WORRIED?” He turned his piercing dark eyes on yours for a mere second before deflecting his gaze to the ceiling, primarily so he didn’t have to witness the hurt expression that etched across your face and to disguise the tears that threatened to escape. If only such a thing was possible. He couldn’t cry. Crying was a sign of weakness. Emotions, feelings, being vulnerable - he had no predilection towards any of it. The only thing he longed for was your adulation, he virtually craved it. “Don’t tell me you believe that bullshit, Y/N.”_

_You hesitated, struggling to find an answer. “I don’t know what I believe.”_

_“So you’re on my uncle's side?!”_

_“You went straight to the darkside, Ben! What am I supposed to think?!”_

 _His chest constricted as he inhaled a sharp breath, running a hand through his tousled, stygian hair. It aggravated him how protected you were from the truth, about how the darkness came hand in hand with being a Skywalker. It was part of his identity. The very thing that made him who he was. He was one in the same as Lord Vader. The most notorious, powerful and feared man to ever rule the galaxy. His own grandfather. The same blood flowed through Luke Skywalker, through him, and he had the nerve to satirize him for trying to understand this other side of him? He lost control for a split second. One stupid fucking second, and now he was a failure. A danger to himself. To the Jedi's his uncle trained. He made him out a monster. Oscillating his neck to the side, he tried to speak, but no words came out._

_“Ben-”_

_“Leave it.”_

_“I didn’t mean it like that.”_

_“No, Y/N. You’re right. I did, and I didn’t even try to stop myself.”_

You swerved round as the door of the equilateral room you were held captive in was flung open, colliding against the wall with enough force to almost snap it from its hinges. There was no mistaking the animosity eluding from the tall, dominating figure stood in the miniscule amount of light, sygian hair scruffed against porcelain skin, ungloved fists clenched in rage. You were glad you couldn’t see the look etched on those shadowed features, because the glare he gave you alone was enough to make your hair stand on edge. “I leave you one _simple_ request.” His voice came out in uneven breaths, jaw tensed intransigently in an attempt to control it. “And you **refuse** to show up?!” It was not a question, rather, it was an indictment. 

“Did you really think I’d join you for dinner?” You snapped back incredulously. “I kindly told your little sycophant to tell you where to-”

“Watch your mouth, vermin.”

Craning your neck to get a better look at him, you felt your own temper flaring, aggravated by how unaffected he was by your choice of words. “I’d rather starve.”

“I have no objection letting you starve, vermin. But unfortunately for now, I need you alive.”

“So that’s your plan?! Keep me alive to do with as you please until you get bored of me?”

“It depends just how eager you are to please.” 

“You’re disgusting!” 

In two strides he was in front of you, your small wrist snatched in his callous, warm hand. You reeled back, not quite quick enough to stop him before you were jerked forward, his grip tightening to the point you could barely feel your hand. “Do not insult me, vermin. You’re incompetent.” Asserting more pressure, you cried out, all too aware of the imbued crescent shapes his fingernails left on your already bruised skin. “You wouldn’t know the first thing about pleasing a man.”

“You don’t kn-” You stopped yourself mid-word, realising just what you were about to say.

Slowly, a small smile started to creep across his full lips. “I don’t know what? How skilled you are? Should we put it to the test?”

He’d rendered you speechless.

“Careful with what you say in future, resistance scum. I might just make you prove it next time.” 

You remained silent after that, choosing your thoughts vigilantly so he didn’t realise how much his threat affected you. There was no complaint as he dragged you down corridor after corridor, a blur of neutral, immaculate walls until you were at the centre of the ship. Now the scenery changed - uniformed soldiers of the First Order simultaneously stopped in their tracks in a salute as Kylo walked by, Stormtroopers took to one knee, weapon lowered. Even without his mask, he demanded so much respect. But this was not respect. They feared him. 

“They fear me for a reason, vermin. You would be wise to follow their example.”

“They fear you because you have no regard for any of their lives. There’s a difference.”

Before you were backhanded for your derision, two intricate doors were opened by a man dressed in preparation for your arrival. You retrograded for a mere moment, taking in the face of the elderly sycophant Kylo had sent for you earlier - the one you had kindly told to tell Kylo where to go. His spectacles were broken in the middle, held together by a makeshift piece of tape, but it was the bloodstained mark above his sunken cheekbone that made you freeze. Those carmine eyes refused to look at you, his behaviour, the way he was acting, the unease in his face - had you caused this? Did Kylo hurt him because of you? You felt your lower lip quiver, desperate to apologise, but knowing the words would never make it out of your mouth because Kylo was always too quick to interrupt. 

“ **Leave** us.”

When he was no longer in sight, you yanked on your wrist, furious. “That man. He did nothing wrong!” 

“He told me you refused to attend dinner.”

“So you hurt him because I didn’t want to attend your stupid dinner? Do you have any idea how insane you sound?!”

“Take it as another reason to learn your place.”

“Learn my place?” You scoffed incredulously.

“You never learned the first time round. Don’t make the same mistake.”

~~~

“Is there a problem with your food?” Kylo mocked, eyebrow arched as he watched you mindlessly push the food around the plate with your fork. He knew all too well what the issue was, but it didn’t suppress the need to taunt you over it. “You’ve been staring at it long enough.”

Exhaling a sigh, you placed the fork down angrily before glancing upwards. His face was striking in the glow of the dim candles, with such pulchritudinous features it made it hard to deny just how attractive he really was. Disheartening however, because they were worn by a monster. Aware of your stare, he picked up the rufescent, fleshy looking thing on his plate and twirled it on his knife, hand flexed tightly around the handle. 

“You know I don’t eat meat.” 

“I never said anything about eating it, vermin. There’s vegetables there too, is there not? Or are you incapable of telling the difference?”

“Like I said before, I’d rather starve.”

He smirked at that arrogant remark, his full lips curving upwards before he stood and stalked towards a worn, threadbare chair in the corner of the room and slumped into it, one leg draped over the other. As he did so, you didn’t fail to notice the way the fitted material of his black pants tightened around the muscles on his thighs, but quickly turned your attention onto the frayed laces of his combat boots. He was just trying to taunt you, to provoke a reaction by being so calm. You would not fall for it. “You either eat willingly, or I force you. It’s that simple.”

Frustrated, you stabbed your fork into a bit of carrot and brought it to your mouth, yet it hovered there as you spoke. “You know I don’t have the map to Luke Skywalker, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No.” 

“Put two and two together. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

His words stung enough that it left you questioning whether someone could really become this unbalanced, this _deranged_ , or if he was just trying to provoke a reaction. This miscreation, this monster, it wasn’t Ben. He wore the same face, but he was a dark reminder of someone who no longer existed. He was never coming back, this was who he was now and you had to learn to live with it. So why, why was it so difficult to equivocate the situation? Skeptical of his threat, you took in your surroundings, your pulse deafening as it thumped in your ears. It went against every logical thought, but you needed to find a way out - the door, half-open, it was an easy escape… if you even made it that far.

“Don’t be so stupid, vermin. You know you won’t.”

“I’d rather take my chances than sit here and listen to you reinstill the point that you’ll implement your empty threats!”

Irked by your reaction, he paused, his breathing suddenly heavier. “Okay. Let’s play it your way then, resistance scum.” 

“What are you-”

“Ten seconds. If I find you before those ten seconds are up, I will destroy you. Simple."

“That’s not what I mea-”

“Ten.”

“Ky-"

“Nine.”

“I didn't-”

“EIGHT.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! It's a cliffhanger! Sorry, I couldn't resist lol. Looks like things are heating up and you're finally getting that chase scene you all wanted! So, what do you make of Kylo's threats? Think he's serious? 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos. I literally love you guys for all the support! I'm going to try and update this story every weekend, so until then lovelies! <3


	9. Escape

“EIGHT.”

“ _Seven._ ” This time it was quieter, the perilous look behind those threatening eyes suspending you in place. Even if you wanted to, it was hypocrisy, because you couldn’t. He knew this was going to happen, foreseen it, had waited for the perfect opportunity to strike. Mistakes were his excuse. An excuse to obtain his control over you. He was manipulated by his own feelings, by the obscurity of his alter voice - and you trying to take grip of the puppeteers' strings had pushed him over the edge.

“Six.”

Using the edge of the mahogany dining table, you heaved yourself to your feet. “Do you realise how-”

“FIVE!”

You flinched, but your glare did not falter from his once - not from the tone of his voice, not from the way he slammed his fist angrily on the table, not how he knocked the chair over in temper. Regardless of what his actions aforesaid, his face remained emotionless, composed. This was the part you struggled with the most, how he had this ability to look so calm despite the things he did. Hesitantly, you inched backwards, misstepping over the chair in the direction of the corridor. He didn’t move. He was serious. 

Run. The word reiterated in your mind as you scrambled out of the room without a second thought. _Run._ Your arms slammed against the door, the force causing it to collide with the wall outside. The icy particles from the air-conditioning numbed your flustered face as you paused, analyzing your surroundings. A meander of corridors and not any clue on which led where. Did you go right and take the risk of being caught, did you go left in the direction you _thought_ the ship loading bay was, or did you go straight as you were sure that’s where you came from? 

This was his plan all along, he used it to his advantage because there was never really an option in the first place. There was no way you could overpower him, his physique outchmatched yours. If you ran he’d outrun you. If you tried to play smart, he’d outsmart you. If you tried to hide, he’d find you…

You either took the risk of getting hold of a ship, or you gave up and admitted defeat right here and now. 

But that was never going to happen.

With trembling hands you reached for the railing on the stairwell, gripping it tightly as you descended the stairs two at a time, refusing to look back even when you tripped and scathed your knees. If you had any ambiguity it was diminished by the echo of your own pulse on the walls, reverberating in a cadenced beat. Defeanening. Consuming. Enough to drown your thoughts. You could not falter, not for a second, not for anything. Swaying to a stop when you reached the lower landing, you turned left, all to aware of your disquiet surroundings and the rhythm of heavy footfalls in the distance. You knew with absolute certainty who they belonged to. There was no mistaking it. Driven by instincts - instincts you had no understanding of, you swerved right, catching sight of the expanse magnitude of the loading bay, an endless echelon of ships positioned around the eminent TIE Silencer. Kylo’s prized possession. 

It was similar to 170 Starfighters the resistance used, surely it performed just the same. It was the only one you would get through surveillance with. After all, who else would be using the mighty Commander Ren’s ship? No one in the First Order would question it, not if they valued their lives.

“I have told you already, LS-005. Place them over there, are you incompetent?!”

Hux. 

Wide E/C orbs caught sight of the immaculately dressed redhead, his pale complexion glimmering in the the radiance of the moonlit, starless night sky. His gloved hand was outstretched, dictating the direction in which each of the ammunition that’d just been delivered was to be taken. It was blatant he was irritated, even from this distance you could feel the tension radiating from him. Several shadows danced in the appeasing darkness around him, blurs of white - stormtroopers, obeying his every command as they shifted around. This… this is what Finn meant about being treated like a number. They had no name. No identity. Just captives to the First Order. Trained from childhood. Hardened. None were unarmed, electrical stun devices attached to their armour, an E-11 blaster rifle at the ready in their right hand. All of which was useless from a distance until they got a clear shot.

Which they wouldn’t.

_’I wouldn’t be so self-assured, vermin.’_

‘Get OUT of my head!’

_’Ah, I see it. I see the ship. I underestimated you resistance scum.’_

‘It’s not difficult to outsmart a delusional swine!’

_’Courageous words coming from a girl who doesn’t know who she is.’_

‘You have no idea who or what I’m capable of.’

_’We’ll see.’_

Ignoring his voice as it continued to engulf your thoughts, you pushed forward, trying to gain control over your own mind before it was too late. The present dangers were forgotten as you sprinted for the diaphanous steps that led to the entrance of the TIE Silencer, ascending the high rise, narrow treads with absolutely no regard for the consequences. Every step was weathered, steep and worn from thousands of footfalls over the eons, but just as you reached the platform and thought you’d made it, shots were fired and you were suspended mid-movement. An invisible force clasped around your legs at the same time a hallucinatory hypodermic of adrenaline pierced your veins and unleashed. Your head was a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing your subconscious into blackness. You wanted to run; you wanted to feel, but there was just static and emptiness. Sounds that were near felt far away. Captured. Overwhelmed. You weren’t going anywhere.

“Tell me again, vermin. Just **what** you think you’re capable of.” 

Kylo’s tall silhouette appeared in your peripheral vision before a callous, warm hand circled your ankle in a painful grip. Your lower lip quivered, but you could not scream. All at once you cease to travel forward when your leg is yanked backwards, your surroundings blurring like a badly shot action photograph as you fell through nothingness. Colours, monochrome and phlegmatic swirled like specks as you neared the ground, bracing yourself for the impact - but it never came. Regaining control over your body, you were all too aware of the way he held you, legs dangling over one arm and your upper back against the other. If this had been any other situation, it might’ve looked romantic. But this wasn’t any other situation. This was now. You struggled, struck, hit him, but he was too quick - before realisation caught up, you were already on the floor, his knee pressed into your stomach and his auricular nails scraping your neck. 

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat as you tried to get the words out. “I won’t stop... I’ll never stop running.”

“You cannot run from me, resistance scum. Have you not learned that by now? I won.”

“You will never win.”

“You’ve already lost, vermin. Denying it changes nothing.”

“I haven’t lost.”

“How can you win if you never get the chance again?” His voice remained impassive and as emotionless as it always did, but his eyes, narrowed in resentment, spoke of something other than the anger written on his face. “This was the only exception.”

“Then you’re exactly what I said you are... an insane, delusional, unfeeling MONSTER!”

You inwardly gasped when Kylo backhanded you across the face, the deleterious strength throwing you onto your side - it happened in slow motion, so instantaneous that you barely had time to stop it from happening before your forehead scraped against the linoleum floor and everything turned black. Stars danced in your peripheral vision, soaring across the glimmering night sky, so tranquil you could stay there forever, but they faded… now replaced by speckles coruscating across a handsome face that drew closer. Incoherent words lingered in your eardrums, but you couldn’t hear them, you could only feel… see… the blood that colored his fingers red, like the acrylic used on a painting, then those eyes, the same perpetual look still lingering in them, but there was something different…

“Vermin?”

_Worry._

“Don’t… don’t touch… me.” You were in no state to push his hands away, it was useless.

“This would never have happened if you weren’t such a derisive bitch.”

“You think… this.. is MY fault?!”

“You asked for it, vermin.”

“You’re not convincing… _anyone._ ”

The resistance… they knew you were here. They’d come for you… one day.

“The resistance is never coming for you. You know it to be true.” He grit his teeth, tracing his blood-stained hand over your cheek, to the crevice of your shoulder, then over your arm to your wrist, noting the coalesce of faint and healing bruises that resided under the newest handprints he’d put there. You tried to flinch, but he gripped your arm tightly. “Why would they risk the lives of so many to save an insignificant brat who thought she could turn the infamous Kylo Ren? They wouldn’t. Search your feelings, vermin. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong…”

“I am, am I?”

“... they’ll come for me.”

“Are you really that selfish, vermin? One of them is already dead because of **_you._** ”

Like a missile going off inside your head, you snapped. It was red. Everything was red. You couldn’t see through the untamed, vicious anger that clouded your vision. Unhinged. Uncontrollable. You had no power over your hand as it struck his face, not hard enough to crank his head to the side, but enough that it deferred him. Flexing his jaw, he glared at you through narrowed eyes, just as shocked by your outburst as you were. But it wasn’t enough. You thrust your foot into his chest, causing him to reel backwards, but not before he grabbed hold of your arm and took you with him, wasting no time in flipping you onto your back so he could roll his muscular frame over yours. You continued to strike him until your hands were pinned to the floor, hindering any further attempts.

“ENOUGH!”

You flinched at the tone of his voice.

“I’ve been too lenient with you, vermin.”

“GET-”

“I will be sure to notify Supreme Leader Snoke of your little outburst and how you damaged First Order property. Perhaps he will find my suggestion of punishing you adequate enough now.”

“You… you set me up?” Realisation dawned on as quick as lighting, substantial panic seeping into your bloodstream and spiralling to your brain like a pernicious poison. “You fucking set me up, you repulsive swine!”

“You’re resilient, vermin. But you underestimate me.”

“He… he won’t believe you. I’ll prove it.”

“You can try, vermin.”

Denial. It was one of his most prominent qualities. Shaking your head, you hissed it with more emphasis. “You’re a coward who hides behind a mask, a laughing stock to the galaxy. No one will ever believe you.” 

Everything warped as he stood, dragging you across the platform by the hair like you were some sort of ragdoll. There was no regard for your comfort as you clawed at his hands and kicked your legs against the floor in the struggle, only the determination in his stride as you reached the edge of the hanger bay, noticeably ten stories higher than the array of ships below. A vast, endless area of concrete met your eyes as you were hauled to your feet and shoved forward, held only by the grip he had on your dress. All traces of life were scarce amongst the dull, grey walls that reached up to a colossal ceiling of darkness, besides the stormtroopers from earlier, all stood witness. “You think your resistance is so precious?”

The bitter, cold night air caressed your face as you dangled over the edge, your nostrils flaring at the odour of petroleum. And yet, it felt so calm, so serene, like a leaf falling from a tree and spiralling to its demise. 

“If your resistance is so damn precious, why are they not here to rescue you?! You would not survive this fall if I let go, so tell me, vermin. Where are they?!” 

You did not answer.

“DO YOU WANT TO DIE, VERMIN?!”

It took some time before you actually spoke, your voice barely breaking a whisper. “... No.”

“Then say you’re mine.”

“I will never be yours.”

“Say it.”

“No!”

“Say. It.”

“NO!”

“SAY IT!”

You bit your tongue, refusing to admit your submission to him. You wouldn’t do it. Poe did not give his life for you to crumble now. You would fight. You would never stop fighting. But as you tried to imagine him beside you, you couldn’t. There was no vibrant smile, no glimmer in his eyes as he laughed. Just pain. An unbearable amount of pain. Suddenly, the guilt was coursing through your veins like a violent and chaotic river and you could only watch as the dam collapsed right before your eyes, and with it, the realisation that all of this was on your conscience. It was all your fault. All of it. If you’d never have come here, if you had never believed there was still good in him, if Poe didn’t care for you, he’d never have come after you. Poe was the good guy. The hero. The one you rooted for in stories to defeat the bad guy, not this… a sob sounded from your throat as you were yanked backwards, crumbling to your knees on the floor, the tears streaming from your eyes like a never ending pour of rainfall. Then his hands were on your shoulders, soothing, comforting, but you shoved them away with a scream. “Let me go… LET ME GO!” 

Kylo only sighed, leaning closer, his voice faint as he whispered in your ear. “Incase you haven't already figured it out, vermin. I’m **never** letting you go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what are you going to do now? Give into him or keep defying. Guess the decision is yours. :) Perhaps... the long awaited lemon... <3


End file.
